Senior Valentine’s Day Dance Goes Off Rails
by B. S. Ryter
The members of The Valley Elks Lodge have noticed recently that they have a lot of senior single members. With Valentine’s Day approaching, they wanted to create a way for the singles, divorcees, and widows/widowers to mingle and have a good time. So, they decided to host a 65+ singles dance. The dance was last night at the Lodge, and attendees had to show their Medicare card in order to enter.
The dance was well attended; organizers estimate that they had around 80 attendees. The organizers had multiple planned dances and contests. There was a Griddy dance off for the men, and there was a limbo competition for the women. There was also a salsa dance contest for women/men pairs or couples. There was an open bar and plenty of hor d’oeurvres for the attendees, and the Valentine’s decorations were very nice. The festivities started at 6:00 pm and was scheduled to end at 9:00 pm, and a 10 minute break was scheduled for the attendees to take their meds.
Things were going well until Al Fugaysi tried to enter using a friend’s Medicare card. Al caused a scene because the bouncer wouldn’t let him in. One attendee said, “Al is not the brightest crayon in the box. He shows up in disguise with someone else’s Medicare card, a fake mustache, and sunglasses. When using someone else’s card, you gotta make sure the bouncer doesn’t know that person. He tried to use the bouncer’s cousin’s card. Al is like 57, so he was too young to attend. I guess he was looking for a cougar with a lot of money. What a moron!”
Inside, the attendees were having a good time dancing and mingling. The first contest was a Griddy contest for the men. It got whittled down to the final two- Billy Dance and Don Shuffler. Dance went first, and the crowd went wild. Shuffler went last, and 10 seconds in he fell and hit the back of his head on the floor and opened up a nasty gash. One female attendee said, “He obviously had gotten tired, and he tripped over his feet. He’s a little portly and was breathing heavily, so he probably over did it. He ended up being ok, but it was pretty embarrassing for him.”
The limbo competition for the women was pretty intense. The ladies were very competitive, and they all wanted to win. Of course, all the gentlemen stopped what they were doing to watch the ladies. It came down to Karen Ghetlow and Joyce Llowbar. Llowbar went first and barely made it. Ghetlow went next, and it looked like she was about to make it, but her wig fell off and she knocked the bar down. One male attendee said, “I knew she was wearing a wig! I told a couple buddies that she was wearing one, but they said I was crazy. I feel sorry for her. I doubt she’ll ever show her face again at the Lodge.”
As the dance was coming to an end, there was a kerfuffle between two gentlemen. Evidently, both men wanted to escort Elizabeth Taylor Monroe to her vehicle. Monroe is a well-known wealthy socialite in the The Valley. In her younger years, she actually won the Ms. Valley Beauty Pageant. Monroe’s friend said, “Both of those old farts had been vying for her attention all night, and they both wanted to walk her to her car. They started arguing and cussing, and they were nose to nose before we all knew it. Liz lead them on all night, but she has no interest in either one. She’s been married 5 times, and she told me it ain’t happening again. I guess she still likes to flirt, and those guys were eating it up.” Luckily, the confrontation didn’t turn physical, and neither actually escorted her to her vehicle.
Until next year Valleyans!