Archives October 2023

by Tre McGyver

Halloween season is in full blast in Valley Meadows right now. Our residents go all out for Halloween; all trailers except one has decorations. The Nophun’s never participate in anything or decorate for any holidays. The residents have decorated the gazebo, patio and the entrance; it’s a very festive place right now. Most people go all out for Christmas, but not my Valley Meadow peeps. Halloween is where it’s at!

Word has gotten out in The Valley that you have to check out Valley Meadows around Halloween. Many area residents drive into Valley Meadows after dark to see the craziness. It’s a spectacle. We’ve already had a few issues that I’ve had to address this year. Yesterday, we had a couple teens setup at the entrance charging non residents $5 per vehicle to enter into the neighborhood. Of course, I had to put the kibosh on that, but they had already made $40. That was a pretty smart idea though. Maybe, we’ll have to start doing that next year.

Also, we had one teen dressed up as a zombie jump onto the hood of a car of a Madison county family. It scared those people to death; they had a young child in the vehicle that is traumatized for life. Plus, it was a very expensive Mercedes, so I know they weren’t thrilled.

Additionally, the Adams family (the really weird family) hauled in some dirt to make a fake grave, and they’re burying a family member to make them look like they’re rising from the dead. I’ve had multiple neighborhood moms tell me that their toddlers have been having nightmares after seeing that. That’s a little too much, so I had to ask the Adams to stop that. They weren’t happy with me at all. Honestly, I think they may cast a spell on me.

It looks like we’re going to have to get a mobile pediatric psychiatrist and a mobile pediatric dentist to come visit Valley Meadows after Halloween. This place is nuts I’m telling you!

Y’all come see us at Valley Meadows around Halloween. It is something else! You just better be prepared though.

by Mack Speed

Hello Valleyans! It’s your boy Mack here. We had a great night at the track Saturday. Fall is in the air, and there’s nothing like the smell of the races. We had another great crowd at the track; we had around 2,000 fans again. Parking was much better this week, so I guess my PowerPoint presentation paid off.

There continues to be a lot of tailgating, and I love to see it. It just adds so much to the atmosphere. Sometimes the races are more of a Jerry Springer atmosphere, but I’d like them to be more of a college football atmosphere. Or, maybe a mixture of Jerry Springer and college football! Haha! My Ole Miss people are now a fixture at the tailgate, and more people are going all out. I did see some Ole Miss and MSU fans hanging out together, so maybe they read my last article. People are having food catered, and they’re paying teenagers to setup their tent, chairs, etc.

I got a couple reports of people gambling. I thought that was past us, but I guess not. Maybe we need to look into legalizing that next season. I didn’t get any reports of vaping, so that’s a good thing.

We didn’t have any bathroom issues, and we had plenty of porta potties. However, we did have a report of a couple teens making out in porta potty after the races. They must really be in love or drunk. How could you make out in a porta potty? The stench had to be horrible!

Now, to the races. My boy Dale won the junior race again, but it wasn’t easy. The competition is getting tougher. We had a little drama in his race though. One of the moms was yelling at Dale after the race saying he was cheating. Dale didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t keep quiet. I told the crazy woman to keep her mouth shut and mind her own business. I know my boy didn’t cheat, and she was just being a sore loser. I told her that I’d kick her out of my racetrack if she didn’t shut up.

Everyone assumed Tony Johnson or Jimmie Stewart would win the main race after their scuffle last race, but that wasn’t the case. Neither guy had a great race, and Jeff Petty took the checkered flag again. He simply outraced Johnson and Stewart this time. Johnson and Stewart were not happy; both were hollering and cussing at their crews. They thought that it was always going to be a two horse race, but it’s now a three horse race. Petty is very workmanlike; he just keeps his head down and races.

It was another great night for the SRVMRL. We only have two more races this fall season. We’ll see you next month at the track Valleyans.

by Emma Embellischer

The tv network Bravo aired the first Real Housewives show back in 2008, and it was called the Real Housewives of Orange County. It was a huge hit, and they’ve done multiple Real Housewives shows since then that have been very popular. Valley Productions has decided to copy their idea, and they’re going to produce a show called The Real Housewives of The Valley.

Gio Smellafarti has been a tv producer in New York for around 20 years, and he’s produced multiple hit shows and documentaries including The Primadonnas of the Prairie (based in rural Kansas), The Broads of the Bayou (based in Louisiana) and The Cats of Coal Country (based in West Virginia). He created Valley Productions specifically for his new show about the housewives of The Valley. Gio said, “Many people feel the Real Housewives shows are fake and don’t represent real middle class Americans. I wanted to create a show that shows real life with real middle class housewives, and The Valley is a great place to do that. I’m really excited about this show.”

Valley Productions will hold a casting session on Saturday, November 11th at 10:00 am at The Valley Convention Center in Valley City. Smellafarti said, “We are looking for 5 housewives that live in The Valley. We want women that are interesting and have personality. We’re looking for housewives of the following husbands/occupations: oilfield worker, farmer, teacher/coach, truck driver, and business owner. Spread the word! We’ll see you ladies on November 11 at 10:00 am!”

Smellafarti is promising to produce a quality show that represents the lives of actual housewives of The Valley, and he says he will shed them in a positive light. But, Valleyans are torn about the upcoming show. One female Valleyan said, “I have a feeling this show is going to be a circus. I know several women that are going to the casting session, and they are all a hot mess. Plus, I feel like it could possibly make The Valley look bad, and I really don’t want that.” A male Valleyan I talked with said, “I can’t wait to see this show! It’s going to be epic, and I know it’s going to be a hit. It’s going to be a train wreck in a good way! I know a lot of crazy women that should be on the show. And, The Valley is going to be famous; people are going to want to come to see The Valley and all it has to offer!

The five housewives and their personalities are going to make or break the show, so Valleyans are eager to see what women are selected. After casting, you’ll start to hear more about the show, and the marketing will really be ramped up in the coming months.

by I. B. Lyon

The Valley is not the ideal region for solar farms. It has a ton of trees, and it doesn’t have many wide open spaces large enough for solar farms. However, Sonny Green is about to change that. Sonny is one of the largest landowners in The Valley, and he’s been a forester for about 30 years. He recently cut about 250 acres of pine trees, and he’s going to clear the land for a solar farm.

I asked Green why he’s building the solar farm which is named the Sonny Green Solar Farm. He said, “I went on a trip out west earlier this year, and I saw multiple solar farms. I did a little research on them, and I decided that I wanted to build one. A lot of people think I’m doing this to help save the planet, but that ain’t the reason. I’m doing it to get rich. I can make a lot more money solar farming than tree farming or cattle farming.” Green plans to start construction on the project in the next couple weeks.

Green is partnering with local electrical cooperative, Northern Oak, to sell the power generated back to the grid. A Northern Oak spokesperson said, “We’re very excited about our partnership with Mr. Green. This solar farm should help slightly lower our members’ monthly bills. Plus, we want to do our part to help save our wonderful planet.”

Not everyone is thrilled about Mr. Green’s solar farm however. Many local hunters are upset about the project. One hunter said, “This is going to totally screw up the deer hunting in our club. His land is adjacent to the club’s land, and I’m sure the deer population is going to be down because of the loss of their habitat. It’s not gonna help the turkeys either.” One of Mr. Green’s neighbors who wanted to remain anonymous voiced his displeasure as well. He said, “It just looks bad. This ain’t California or Arizona. It’s the freakin Valley, and we don’t like that crap here. Plus, those stupid things are made in China.”

The construction of the solar farm is expected to take about 6 months. It’ll be interesting to see how Valleyans feel once the project is completed.

by Mack Speed

Howdy Valleyans! The third race of the season was on Saturday night. It was a great night with an epic ending. I think we had close to 2,000 fans, so the word is getting out about the SRVMRL. People love the atmosphere, and the racing is pretty good too. We still had some parking issues; I don’t think we’ll be able to fix them. I guess I need to do a Powerpoint presentation to explain how things need to be done to my guys, but ain’t nobody got time for that.

The tailgating has gotten bigger. There are probably 250 people that tailgated on Saturday. They were cooking some good food. My Ole Miss buddies shared some food with me, and it was good. I don’t know what it was, because it was pretty fancy. The tailgating was segregated though. MSU and Ole Miss fans were not tailgating together. Come on people! The Valley Motor Speedway is a place where everyone can come together. People were playing cornhole, and the kids were running around having a good time. That’s the type of atmosphere I want at the Valley Motor Speedway.

I still got a couple reports of people vaping. Again, we’ve posted signs that it is not allowed, but I guess people can’t read or they don’t care. Quit vaping you idiots!

There were some lines to use the porta potties because of the big crowd, so we may have to add a few more. But, that’s a good problem to have.

The races were very good this week, and they’re getting more intense. My boy, Dale Earnhardt Speed, won the junior race, but it was pretty close. I think he’s getting the big head. He’s gonna get humbled if he doesn’t watch out. The main race had some drama. Tony Johnson and Jimmie Stewart were going back and forth and bumping and grinding the whole race. It was intense. On the final lap, Tony bumped into Jimmie and they both spun out. That gave Jeff Petty the opportunity to take the checkered flag. You’ll probably hear more about Petty; he’s really coming on.

So, Johnson and Stewart were not happy with one another. They didn’t worry about finishing the race. They immediately jumped up, and they took off their helmets and gloves and it was on like Donkey Kong! They started pushing each other, and Johnson punched Stewart. More punches were thrown, and Stewart ended up having a bloody nose, and they were wallering around on the track. It was epic! They had to separated by the other racers. That’s the kind of thing the fans want to see!

We’ll see you again in a couple weeks Valleyans! It’s gonna be fun!

by Ima Phibber

No one is going to confuse the Strong River Valley (The Valley) with Silicon Valley; the two places couldn’t be more different. The Valley is not known as a hot bed of tech innovation. Heck, all of our residents don’t even have high speed internet. But, we do have some smart innovative people in The Valley, and Mark Elon Jobs is at the top of that list. Mark’s latest project is making waves, and it’s going to help many people in The Valley and around the country.

Jobs has always been interested in technology. When he was a kid, he would take computers apart and put them back together. He would even build computers from spare parts. He was known as a whiz kid. His company, Valley Tech Solutions, has created multiple apps and software programs, but nothing that has been used by the masses. However, that is likely to change with his new dining loan program- Di-Lo (short for dining loan).

Jobs still lives with his parents, and they eat out together once per week on Friday nights. He’s noticed that food inflation has caused their weekly restaurant bills to skyrocket. Jobs said, “It’s crazy how expensive eating out has gotten. I don’t see how a family of 4 or 5 affords to eat out now. It’s just gotten way out of hand. Also, they want you to tip for everything these days, so tip inflation has gotten crazy too. One Friday night while I was eating with Mom and Dad, I thought that I needed to do something to help people afford eating out.”

Jobs created a software program that he calls Di-Lo. Di-Lo provides microloans or microcredit to diners to help them pay for their meals. It’s a form of buy now, pay later for the restaurant industry. Diners can let their servers know they plan to use Di-Lo. They can choose to pay for the meal over 7 days or 14 days, and the interest rates are very competitive. Jobs has partnered with the local bank, The Peoples Priority Bank, to provide the loans. The restaurant, Valley Tech Solutions, and The Peoples Priority Bank each get a third of the revenue created from each loan, and the diner is able to afford a nice meal.

I talked to multiple Valleyans about Di-Lo, and they were excited about the program. One person said, “We’ll be able to afford to eat out now. Heck, I’ll get the steak instead of the burger now, and we’ll go get ice cream afterwards. The whole family can get a drink too; we all don’t have to get water!”

Jobs said, “I’ve always just wanted to help people with technology, and I think Di-Lo will definitely do that. Di-Lo is already in multiple restaurants in The Valley, and we hope to continue to grow in and outside The Valley.” Inflation has cooled recently, but there is still some food inflation. So, there should be a lot of demand for Di-Lo going forward.