Archives May 2023

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

The inaugural Strong River Valley Pickleball Open was held this past Saturday at the Puckett City Park. The tournament was sponsored by the Strong River Valley Observer, and there was a very good turnout for the event. There were 2 draws- women’s singles and women’s doubles.

The popularity of pickleball has exploded across the U.S. recently, and it is actually the fastest growing sport in the U.S. There are over 36 million pickleball players currently in the U.S. Pickleball is a paddle sport that combines elements of tennis, badminton, and ping pong. So, the SRVO felt it was time we introduced the sport to the great citizens of The Valley by sponsoring a tournament.

There were 24 women in the singles draw, and there were 10 teams in the doubles draw. No residents of The Valley were in the singles draw; however, we had one team from Puckett in the doubles draw. Sarena Smith and Veanus Vanderford were the lone team from the Valley, and the duo are sisters. Needless to say, they were the crowd favorite. The rest of the tournament entrants were from Brandon, Jackson, and Madison.

One fan said, “I’ve never seen so many Mercedes, BMWs, and Range Rovers at the Puckett Park in my life. Every vehicle had a 30A sticker on the back window. It was crazy. I don’t really think they liked us blaring our country music, but that’s how we roll in The Valley.”

Mary Grace Evert, the #3 ranked female in MS, won the singles draw. She breezed through the draw with little resistance. But, the doubles draw had much more competition. Smith and Vanderford had a tough draw, but they managed to navigate their way through it to reach the final. But, they ran out of gas in the championship match and came up short. However, the crowd was raucous throughout the match supporting the Puckett sisters.

Smith said, “We played hard, but we just ran out of gas. I’ve got to lose some weight, so I’m gonna have to cut out those awesome pizzas from Huff & Stuff.” Vanderford said, “I’ve got to stop vaping; it caught up with me today. We’ll see those highfalutin girls from Madison again, and we’re gonna whip their butts next time.”

The tournament was a big success, and we hope that it’s even bigger next year. SRVO thanks everyone who pitched in to put the tournament together, and we thank The Valley for coming out to support it. We’ll see you next year!

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

Strong River Valley Prep is one of the most prestigious private schools in the state. The school has a long waiting list, and the list continues to grow. The school has great athletic programs, but they’re best known for their high academic standards. Each year, they have multiple kids that go on to attend Ivy League universities. Rarely do you hear anything negative about Valley Prep, but the school is currently being rocked by an academic scandal.

The valedictorian and salutatorian spots are always high coveted, and there is a ton of competition and pressure on students to get these prestigious awards. This year that competition got out of control. Allie Grace Cheaten was crowned the valedictorian, and Ben Smart was the salutatorian.

But, students and parents immediately began the question the results. Smart made a 37 on his ACT, and he never made a grade less than a 98 all year. Cheaten only made a 23 on her ACT, and she only had a 3.65 GPA going into the fourth nine weeks. Parents demanded that there be an investigation into the results. It didn’t take long to figure out something was going on. One parent said, “Allie Grace’s dad is the Chairman of the board, and everybody knows he’s shady. His daughter is a spoiled brat, and everyone knew she wanted to be valedictorian. But, she’s probably not even in the top 15 of the 21 kid graduating class.”

After looking through some of Mr. Cheaten’s emails, it was discovered that he was pressuring multiple teachers to inflate Allie Grace’s grades. One email stated, “Please give Allie Grace a 100 on this history test. She has to be the valedictorian. Her mom has threatened to leave me if I don’t make sure she is valedictorian. I’ll pay you $1,000. Please!”

Another email said, “Look, I know Allie Grace isn’t the smartest in her class, but please make sure she gets the best grades in the class. We’ll give you and your family a free weekend at our Smith Lake house. Her mom will make my life a living hell if she’s not valedictorian.” School officials talked with the teachers listed in the emails, and they all said they inflated Allie Grace’s grades to please Mr. Cheaten.

After a short but thorough investigation, Valley Prep’s board has announced that Ben Smart is indeed the valedictorian. Unfortunately, the awards ceremony has already taken place, so Smart won’t be publicly honored. But, Smart does feel vindicated. He said, “Everyone knew she wasn’t the valedictorian. She cheated off me all the time.”

Smart was planning to go to Harvard, but they pulled his full scholarship when he wasn’t awarded the valedictorian. Smart’s mom said, “That little heifer and her shady dad cost my boy at chance to go to Harvard. Because of his superior intellect that he gets from me, he still has plenty of options. Wherever he goes, no other student can say they scored a 37 on their ACT.”

Ben said, “I’ll probably end up going to CoLin Tech, also known as the Harvard of The Valley. It’s not my #1 choice, but at least I’ll be close to Mom.”

Fortunately, justice and truth won out in this situation, but it’s going to be tough for Valley Prep to recover from this scandal. It’s unfortunate that these two young people got tied up in this, and we look forward to what the future holds for both.

by Emma Embellischer

The Puckett Elks Lodge hosted a dance party for area senior citizens Friday night. They had a meal catered for the event, and they had a great turnout. Everyone took part in multiple dances including the twist, jitterbug, square dancing, and more. Fun was had by all until the very end of the night.

According to one attendee, Nifty Vanderford and Groovy Burnham got into an argument about who was the faster runner back in high school, and the argument got quite heated. Shifty Allen, a friend of both men, said they could settle it by doing a Griddy dance off. Of course neither man knew anything about the Griddy, so they had to watch a video on Youtube to learn the dance.

Groovy took the floor first with all eyes on him, and he did fair. One attendee said, “Groovy did ok. It was a little slow, and he lacked any knee bend.” The crowd was lit, as the young kids say, at that point. Nifty took to the floor for his turn. After a few steps, he tripped over his feet and fell to the floor. He was in severe pain, and he started holding his hip. Nifty’s fall ended the party for the night. He broke his hip, but he’s expected to make a full recovery.

An attendee said, “Nifty was overconfident. He started out putting his hands over his eyes making glasses like Justin Jefferson. As they say, pride cometh before a fall. I tried not to laugh at him, but it was impossible. How can you not laugh at a 75 year old man doing the Griddy? I felt bad when I realized he was hurt.”

I talked with Nifty yesterday while he was in the hospital. He said, “Groovy better be glad I fell, because I was going to outdance his ugly tail. Just wait til I get my new hip.”

An official at the Elks Lodge asked for everyone to pray for Nifty to make a full recovery. She also said the Griddy was banned from now on at the Lodge.

by Offe Hisczrocher

Rankin County officials have a quagmire on their hands with the traffic issues associated with the Hwy. 18 bridge closure. They’re doing all they can to alleviate the problems, but it’s a tall task. Many area residents are not happy with the traffic situation. Some think farmer Homer Sampson recently released his llamas to deter traffic on Kersh Rd. (read our recent article about that), and some think that’s the reason Clifton Rd. is now closed. Now, another area resident is trying his hand at deterring traffic.

Mr. Bill Lewinski, a resident on Rock Hill Rd., has had enough. He has erected a huge sign the size of a billboard with a picture of Hillary Clinton in his yard, and he hopes that it will deter traffic. Lewinski said, “All this traffic is driving me insane, and I decided to do something about it. No one likes Hillary Clinton, so I put up a huge picture of her in my yard. People will get tired of looking at her two times each day. It may take a couple weeks, but eventually they’ll get tired of looking at her face. If her picture doesn’t work, I have got a couple more up my sleeve.”

I asked Mr. Lewinski if he got the sign approved by the county. He said, “What do you think? Heck no! This is America; it’s a free country! I just hope Hillary doesn’t read your article because I don’t want to end up dead.”

Most area residents think the picture of Hillary will do little to deter traffic, but they’re glad Mr. Lewinski is trying.

by Ben BeEssen

There’s a buzz in downtown Mendenhall right now.  Main Street is crowded every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night with people eating at The Steakhouse on Main and then getting dessert at Nostalgia Creamery.

Downtown Mendenhall hasn’t had buzz like this in a long time except for the seasonal Friday Nights on Main.  Mendenhall Mayor, Rod Ruth, is excited about what’s happening downtown.  Ruth said, “I am thrilled about the impact both of these establishments have had on our downtown area.  It’s great to see Main St. lined with cars on Thurs., Fri., and Sat. nights.”

The Steakhouse on Main offers great steaks, burgers, sandwiches, and other items.  They also have a really good salad bar.  It has brought many Rankin County residents to Mendenhall because of the owner’s connection to Rankin County.  

Nostalgia Creamery serves delicious ice cream and others treats.  The vintage decor is super neat, and they have a cool outdoor space for diners and parties. They’re constantly coming up with new and exciting menu items too.

Since both establishments have a made a huge impact on downtown Mendenhall and owe their livelihoods to the cow, the City of Mendenhall has decided to erect a statue of a cow. The board of aldermen recently voted to approve the installation of the statue. The statue will be similar to the bronze cow statue in front of Chicago’s Cultural Center (see below). Mayor Ruth said, “You can’t have steaks, burgers and ribeye sandwiches without cows, and you can’t have ice cream without cows. Additionally, Simpson County has a heritage of great cattle farmers and cattlemen, so the statue just made sense.”

The statue will be at the south end of Main St. looking up at the most beautiful courthouse in Mississippi, and it will be sculpted from bronze. “Mendenhall has some great landmarks such as the Johnny Knight Treehouse, the Johnny Knight Totem Pole, the Courthouse, the Round Table, and now the cow statue,” said Mayor Ruth. The city plans to have a ceremony to unveil the statue sometime this summer.

Come visit downtown Mendenhall this weekend for a juicy steak at The Steakhouse on Main, and be sure to follow it up with some ice cream at Nostalgia Creamery. You won’t regret it!

Also, Father’s Day is coming up soon female readers. Check out my line of beard grooming products at bbbeardgrooming.com. I have some great Father’s Day gift items!

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

The Hwy. 18 bridge closure has caused some inconvenience and angst among area residents. However, some area residents decided to have some fun with the bridge closure last night. A group of about 40 people gathered at the bridge last night around 2 a.m. to party and watch motocross riders jump over Dabbs Creek where the new bridge is being constructed.

Law enforcement was alerted of the gathering, and they arrived around 2:30 a.m. to break it up. The group scattered when law enforcement arrived. They did manage to arrest 3 onlookers because their ATV wouldn’t start. One law enforcement officer said, “This was obviously a planned thing. They had built 2 large wooden ramps to glide over the creek. They were all riding 4 wheelers and dirt bikes, so they were ready to roll if we showed up. This was very dangerous and stupid. These losers were even drinking Bud Light! Unbelievable! We’ll get them next time.”

I was able to talk with a couple people that were at the gathering, and they both wanted to remain anonymous. One onlooker said, “It was so awesome; it was like a party. We were hanging out, playing music, and drinking beer. Those dudes were ramping over the creek like Evel Freakin Knievel.”

A motocross rider told me, “I was a little nervous about the ramps. We built them out of pallets and scrap wood in about 20 minutes. But, they held up well. After 4 or 5 beers, I was like screw it. Let’s go! We were having a blast dude! It was so rad! The po po had to ruin a good time. We’ll be back though. They can’t stop us.”

Law enforcement talked with nearby residents, and they asked them to call 911 if people start to gather again in the wee hours of the night at the bridge construction site. However, an unnamed source said some nearby residents were there gambling on which rider could jump the farthest. Law enforcement feels confident nearby residents will notify them if the group does gather again.

by Ima Phibber

As the saying goes, if you play with fire, you’re eventually going to get burned. Evidently, that saying applies to snake handling in church services. There aren’t many churches that still do snake handling in services these days, but the Strong River Church of Our Lord Jesus in rural Simpson County is a church that still embraces the practice.

Pastor Jake “The Snake” Flair has been snake handling in his services for about 10 years, and he’d never been bitten until last night. Bro. Flair was always cautious when snake handling, and he always reminded his congregation how dangerous the practice can be. Bro. Flair uses timber rattlers in his services, and he catches every snake he uses in the Bienville National Forest.

Bro. Flair is in ICU right now, but he’s expected to make a full recovery. Bro. Flair leads the music in addition to preaching at the church. He was singing a solo while holding the snake in front of his face when the snake bit him on the neck. He was immediately in agonizing pain, and he urged someone to call 911. The emergency responders arrived about 20 minutes later. A member of the congregation pulled out his Judge and dispatched the snake. I talked to multiple members of Bro. Flair’s congregation, and they had different view points as to why he was bitten.

Susie Story said, “Bro. Flair just wasn’t in the spirit tonight. I could sense it and everyone including the snake could sense it too. That’s why the snake bit him. If you’re gonna handle snakes in church, you gotta make sure you’re in the spirit.”

Jim Bob Duggan, an elder in the church, said, “I think the snake bit him because he was singing off key. He’d never sung that song before, and he was bad off key. The snake could sense that just like me.”

Bro. Flair couldn’t be reached for comment. I asked members of Flair’s church if they think Flair will continue to do snake handling in his services, and they all said that he’d definitely continue with the practice. Duggan said, “He’ll keep doing it. I doubt he’ll sing that song again, or he may not handle snakes while singing. But, it’s been part of our services for generations, and he’ll keep doing it.”

The church members I talked with said to keep Bro. Flair in your thoughts and prayers. They also would like a pastor with snake handling experience to fill in for Flair while he recuperates, so contact the Strong River Church of Our Lord Jesus if interested.

By I. B. Lyon

If you’ve been to the Puckett City Park to a ballgame this year, then you’ve seen Blind Billy Ball (B3) and his seeing eye dog, Slugger. Slugger has been attracting fans from across The Valley and beyond this year. Baseball and softball fans have never seen a blind umpire with a seeing eye dog. It’s always been a joke with fans when an umpire makes a bad call about him/her needing a seeing eye dog, but it’s become reality this year at Puckett.

William Ball (aka Blind Billy Ball or B3) was born blind, but he’s never let it hold him back. B3 has always had a love of sports and especially baseball. Growing up, he would hang around the park as his brothers played ball, and he was a manager for the high school team. B3 is now 23, and he’s been away from baseball for a while now. He’s been itching to get involved with baseball again. About a year ago, B3 came up with an idea. He was going to get a seeing eye dog, and he was going to train the dog to be an umpire. B3 has always been very independent, and he never considered getting a seeing eye dog. B3 chose a golden retriever and he named him Slugger. He and B3 immediately became best buds.

Slugger was trained as a seeing eye dog when B3 got him, but he wasn’t trained to be an umpire. Incredibly, it only took B3 about 2 months to train Slugger to be an umpire. B3 had Slugger ready to go by February, because he wanted to call games this year. Getting Slugger ready to call games was the first hurdle; B3 had to convince the ball association’s board that they could do the job. The ball association president, Chad Boll said, “B3 called me with the idea of he and Slugger calling games, and I told him he was crazy. You’re gonna have to prove to us that y’all can do it.”

The ball association basically had a tryout for B3 and Slugger. They did about 25 out/safe calls, and about 25 ball/strike calls. They passed with flying colors! Slugger barks to make calls. When B3 and Slugger are behind the plate, one bark is a ball and 2 barks are a strike. When he rings a batter up on a third strike, he barks twice followed by a howl. In the field, one bark is safe and two barks is an out. Chad Boll said, “I couldn’t believe it. I was dumbfounded at how good Slugger was.” Boll told B3 they’d give it a try, but they didn’t know how the coaches, players, and fans would react.

Fast forward a few months and B3 and Slugger are the talk of The Valley. People that have no association to Puckett or the ball players are coming to see Slugger. He’s become a local celebrity. Not only is he a big attraction, he is a very good umpire. One coach said, “Slugger is the best umpire we have by far. Us coaches hope we get B3 and Slugger every game, because we know they’ll do a good job.” Boll said, “When B3 and Slugger call a game, there are no arguments or disagreements about calls. How can you argue with Slugger? That’s been a big plus for us.”

Slugger is a big hit with the kids of course. They all look forward to hanging with him and petting him after games. B3 tells the coaches and kids not to bother him during games, because he takes his job seriously. After games, coaches and parents have a tough time getting the kids to leave. Slugger is great with kids, and he loves the interaction.

B3 said, “This has gone way better than I could’ve imagined. I appreciate the ball association for giving us a chance, and I appreciate the coaches, players, and fans for the love they’ve shown us. We look forward to calling the games the remainder of the year, and we’ll be back next year.”

If you want to see Slugger in action, B3 and Slugger call games 3 nights per week at the Puckett City Park, and they’ll be working on Puckett Ball Day on May 6th.