TwHOA: Mission Impossible

by Tre McGyver

It looks like I might’ve bitten off more than I can chew. The former HOA president, Billy Buffmeister, wasn’t doing jack squat to enforce the HOA rules. I’m thinking this just might be Mission Impossible. In the past, I got along with everyone in Valley Meadows except my next door neighbors, the Jones (I’ll have to write another story to explain that mess). Things aren’t quite the same now that I’m starting to enforce the HOA rules, but I have to do my job.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So, I started with all the residents that needed to cut their grass. I sent letters to four residents that needed to cut their grass. Johnny Bieber was the worst offender. Johnny and his baby momma haven’t cut their grass all summer. It was literally chest high. They lost a kid a couple weeks ago for about 30 minutes; they had half the neighborhood looking for him. Well, he was just quietly playing with a truck by their mobile home, but you couldn’t see him because of the tall grass. I thought I would have to fine Johnny to get him to cut it, but he surprised me and finally cut it. He almost finished, but his mower’s motor burned up before he finished. I did a good deed, and I finished it for him.

As you know, we have a burn ban in The Valley. It’s super dry right now. Plus, it’s against the HOA rules to burn your trash. Smokey Magee thinks that doesn’t apply to him. He burns his trash 2-3 times per week. I recently approached him and told him he needs to stop burning his trash. Smokey told me to jump in a lake, and he flipped me the bird. He’ll be receiving a cease and desist letter soon.

Valley Meadows has a really nice above ground pool with a patio and gazebo. The Lewis family and their friends basically take the place over. They hog the pool, and other residents don’t get to swim. Plus, they play loud music and get rowdy. The pool is supposed to close at 9:00 pm on weekdays and 10:00 pm on Friday and Saturday. I approached Karen Lewis about them staying out there too late. It didn’t go too well. She said, “Who do you think you are? You become HOA president and you think you can tell everyone what to do. Not gonna happen.” She’ll be receiving a letter soon. The name Karen fits her well.

Folks, that’s the issues I tried to tackle this past week. It’s only going to get harder from here, but I’ll take it one issue at a time. Stay tuned to see what’s happening in Valley Meadows. It’s gonna be fun!