Strong River Bend Primary Election Challenged

by Ben BeEssen

Municipal primary elections were held on April 1st. The elections in Valley County and Strong River Bend (SRB) were rather uneventful. The elections in SRB went as planned. All the incumbents won, and there was no drama. That has since changed. The Alderman at Large Democratic primary election is now being challenged.

Bennie Schiff has been the Alderman at Large for 3 terms now. His constituents love him, and he won his latest primary by a wide margin (98-3). However, his primary challenger, Hillary Harris, is challenging his election. Her claim is that Schiff doesn’t actually live in the SRB city limits the majority of the time.

Harris said, “We all know that Mr. Schiff’s house is right on the city limits line. This was hashed out when he was initially elected. However, I’ve discovered that he actually spends the majority of his time in his shop or “man cave” which is not inside the city limits. I have multiple female sources that have intimate knowledge of this, so I feel I have a legitimate basis to challenge this election.”

I was able to reach Schiff for comment. He said, “This is so ridiculous. Harris is just a sore loser. 98-3. Come on man! She looked at the scoreboard, and she couldn’t take it. Everyone tried to warn her that she didn’t have a chance. Yes, I spend a good bit of time in my man cave, but I sleep in my room in the house. Mrs. Schiff and I haven’t slept in the same room for years, because she can’t take my snoring. I don’t sleep in the man cave. This challenge is a bunch of bull, and it should be thrown out.”

The SRB City Council has called an emergency meeting this evening at 6:00 pm to settle the matter. The SRVO will be there, and we’ll let you know what happens. I was able to talk with some SRB residents about the challenge.

One resident said, “Hillary is just a sore loser, and she’s looking to get in on a technicality. I’d be interested to know who the 3 people are that voted for her. I bet she paid them off. This is just ridiculous, and it gives our wonderful little town a black eye.”

Another resident said, “Look, Bennie ain’t lilly white. He’s pretty crooked, but he’s helped me out a few times. This Harris lady is just crazy. Go home woman! You got destroyed. 98-3!”

The SRVO will keep you updated on this story, so stay tuned.