The SRVO is thrilled to have Heeza de Seaver join our organization. Heeza brings a ton of experience as a reporter, journalist, and writer to The Valley. He’s written for multiple organizations in Europe on various topics. Most recently, he was a war/conflict reporter and writer in the Middle East for a large publication, and he got burned out as you can imagine. Heeza looks forward to the safety and tranquility of The Valley.
Heeza will be writing about the news of The Valley. Additionally, he will occasionally write about gardening. Heeza plans to start a tulip gardening club; you’ll hear about that in the future. Also, he loves to play korfball, which is a popular sport in the Netherlands, and he plans to introduce the sport to The Valley. We all know when Heeza arrives in the office on Fridays, because he wears his traditional Dutch wooden shoes on Fridays.
We think you’ll love Heeza and his writing style and the international perspective that he brings. Please welcome Heeza to The Valley!
January is normally a great month for gyms and fitness centers; people are eager to get started on their New Years resolutions to get fit. Things have gotten off to a super hot start at Strong River Bend Fitness this January. I caught up with the owner, Richard Simmons, this week. Simmons said, “January is always a good month for us, but this January is our best month ever. We have had 30% more new members sign up this January than any previous January in our 15 year history.” Simmons is using some good ole mind games on his members this year, and he is not ashamed of it.
Simmons said, “I was tired of seeing new members sign up each January, and then they’d ditch their memberships by March or April. It happens every year. Our revenue would be great for the first half of the year, and we’d limp to the finish line in December. I decided that I was going to use reverse psychology on my new members this year in hopes that it would help my bottom line, and it’s working big time so far.”
The gym’s new policy mandated that all new members must pay for 6 months dues in advance when they sign up. If new members work out at least 3 times per week on average for the first 6 months of the year, they get half off their membership the final 6 months of the year. That’s 25% off the full year’s membership dues. Simmons thought people would be willing to take the deal to prove a point to themselves and others that they were going to stick to their New Years resolutions and get fit. He even went so far as to post a sign outside the gym about the deal, and at the bottom it read, “Bet you can’t stick with us for 6 months.” Time will tell if Simmons is right on his bet. Simmons said, “You learn human nature in this business, and you know most people aren’t gonna stick with it.”
One new member said, “Richard thinks we’re not gonna stick with it, but we’re gonna show him. My workout partners and I have been in here at 5:30 am sharp every weekday so far. We ain’t going nowhere baby! It’s all about accountability! Can’t wait for that 50% off the second half of the year. We’re gonna show that jerk, and I’m gonna take that stupid sign and shove it where the sun don’t shine!”
Membership has exploded so much that Simmons is having to require members to reserve workout times. Some longtime members were complaining about the gym being crowded, so Simmons started requiring members to reserve a workout time online. Now some longtime members are complaining about the reservation time slots which are a maximum of 1 hour in length. One longtime member said, “I know Richard is trying to get all these new members in and everything, but he doesn’t need to forget about us old loyal members. It’s impossible to get my workout in, flex in the mirror, take Instagram pics, and talk to all my boys in an hour. He needs to increase the time slots.”
Simmons said, “I bet we can stop reserving time slots in April, maybe before. We’ll see.” I told Simmons that we’ll do a follow up story in July or August to see if his big bet worked out, and he agreed to participate. I hope 2024 has started well for you Valleyans! Stick to those resolutions to get fit and prove Simmons wrong!
The growth of craft beers and breweries has exploded over the past 10 years. Craft breweries offer many different types of beer in many different unique flavors, and people have been flocking to the breweries to drink these local craft beers. Also, many of these craft breweries have restaurants as well. There are now about 10,000 breweries in America, and that is expected to grow. The majority of Americans live within 10 miles of an independent craft brewery. The Valley hasn’t had a craft brewery until now.
Porter Ailes has been drinking craft beers for as long as he can remember. He and his friends have always dreamed about starting a brewery, but they never had the funds to get one going. Porter has been a psychology instructor at Valley Tech Community College for 7 years now. Porter recently won around $80K in the MS Lottery, and he decided it was the time to make his dream come true. Ailes and his friends will start construction on the facility in the next month, and it will be on the vacant lot next to the Six Town Hollow town hall building. They have named their company Bluecat Brewing Co.
Bluecat Brewing will have an 8,000 square foot building, and it will house 4 different businesses inside the building. Half the space will be for the brewery and it’s equipment. 2,500 square feet will be for their restaurant, and 1,500 square feet will be evenly split between a tattoo parlor and a men’s beard grooming salon. Additionally, they will have outdoor seating for the restaurant, a playground for kids, and a small dog park.
Ailes said, “We’re so pumped to bring this unique idea to Six Town Hollow and The Valley. There’s nothing like it in the state that I’m aware of. We think it’ll attract a ton of people to Six Town Hollow and The Valley. We have everything you need at Bluecat Brewing. You can enjoy an awesome craft beer while eating a great burger with your dog. Afterwards, you can get your beard trimmed, and then end the day with a new tattoo. After getting your tattoo, you can listen to live music. We’ll have live music on the weekends. We have a playground for the kiddos too. Where else can you do all that?”
Initially Bluecat Brewing plans to have 3 beers, but they plan to expand their offerings in the future. The three beers are Bluecat Original IPA, King Kottonmouth (pale ale), and The Mighty Strong (pilsner named after the Strong River). Ailes said, “Our original 3 beers are strong, but we’ll expand our lineup in the future. We’ll also offer seasonal beers. Our food is going to be good too. We’ll have great burgers, wraps, pizza, catfish, and more.”
The young Valleyans that I talked with were very excited about Bluecat Brewing Co. One young male said, “This is awesome. My hipster friends and I don’t really have a place to hangout in The Valley, but we will now. I’ve been waiting to get my forearm sleeve tattoo finished, and it’ll be so cool to sip on a Bluecat beer with my dog by my side while getting that ink. I can’t grow a beard, but some of my buds are pumped about the beard grooming salon.”
Six Town Hollow Mayor Don Berry Henry said, “We don’t get a lot of outside visitors here, but I hope Bluecat Brewing will change that. We hope to get a ton of out-of-town visitors that travel along Hwy. 49. We’re very excited about the project.”
Construction on the facility will start in the next few weeks, and this will be a huge draw for the young people of The Valley and the surrounding areas in the future.
Happy New Year Valleyans! We hope you had a great 2023, and we hope 2024 is even better for you. The Editorial Staff here at the SRVO has decided to have a little fun to start off the year. We asked all of our writers to give us at least one New Years resolution. Enjoy!
B. S. Ryter– Greetings Valleyans! My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my dog walking business. According to recent studies, 37% of dogs aren’t getting enough exercise, and it’s leading to increased health issues for our pups. I want to change that, and I want to improve the health of The Valley’s dogs and pad my pockets while I’m at it.
Ben BeEssen– Hey people of The Valley! My #1 focus in 2024 is to refocus on my writing. My priorities in 2023 were on growing my beard grooming business, and my writing suffered. I heard from you Valleyans, and I’ve listened. You’ll see an improvement in my writing this year; I promise you that. But, you can still buy my beard grooming supplies online.
Carl “Bull” Crapper– Howdy Valleyans! I hope all y’all have a great 2024. My #1 resolution for 2024 is not to have a kid this year. I have 2 jobs now to be able to feed all my kids, and I really don’t want to have to get a 3rd job.
Demar “Stretch” DeTrooth– What’s up Valleyans? I hope all of you had a great 2023. My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my writing horizons. I’m looked at as the “sports guy” here at the SRVO, and that’s ok. But, I want to expand my horizons and write about more than sports. Maybe, I can be like Michael Strahan one day. He was known as a sports guy, and look at him now. He does it all. So, follow me this year as I begin to write about news, human interest stories and more.
Emma Embellischer– Hey Valleyans! I hope you all had a good 2023, and I hope 2024 is starting well for you. As you know, I had an ugly, brief marriage to Bubba, and it left a bad taste in my mouth about the men of The Valley. But, I just want the men of The Valley to know that I’ve decided to let my preconceived notions about the men of The Valley go, and I am on the market. However, if your name is Bubba, don’t even bother. Also, no dipping, chewing, or vaping, and you can’t drink Bud Light. Also, you have to be able to live with cats, and you can’t be married. DM me guys!
I. B. Lyon– What’s happening Valley peeps? My primary New Years resolution is to stop my hatred for Coach Prime. He left my Jackson State Tigers high and dry; he dropped us like a bad habit. If he would’ve had a winning record at Colorado this past year, it might be impossible for me to stop hating him. But, they had a tough season, plus his recruiting was horrible and recruits are now dropping him like a bad habit. Y’all, pray for me that my hatred for Prime will continue to abate, and pray that Colorado has another losing season in 2024.
Ima Phibber– Hey everyone! The SRVO had a great inaugural year in 2023. We appreciate all of our readers. My #1 goal in 2024 is to continue to grow the profile and notoriety of the SRVO. I want the SRVO to be a household name for news not only in The Valley but across the state. I’m gonna carry this organization and its band of rag tag writers to the Promised Land!
Offe Hisczrocher– Hallo friends! My only resolution for the new year is to develop a taste for the food of The Valley. It’s much different than the food in Switzerland, but I’m determined to take a liking to it. I’m going to start with the catfish (grilled); maybe I can come around to fried catfish. I can’t wait to try some crayfish. I hear they’re great, but we’ll see in 2024.
Pullyn Mylegg– Hey y’all! I have a few resolutions for 2024, but my #1 resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. I’m 26 now, and it’s time. I can tell Mom is tired of doing my laundry and cooking my frozen pizzas. A close #2 is to cut my daily gaming time in half. It’s going to be tough, but I can do it.
This time of year fireworks stands pop up everywhere to sell fireworks for New Years. Johnny “Smoke” Bahm has been selling fireworks for around 20 years, and he always sets up by the Pic & Save grocery store in Valley City. This is a side hustle for Smoke, and he takes the week off after Christmas each year to sell fireworks.
Smoke knows the fireworks can be dangerous. He makes sure he has nothing that could potentially start a fire close to his stand. He also has multiple signs to warn customers- No Smoking, Warning- Flammable. However, he realized this year that he can do everything in his power to keep his stand safe, but he can’t control the actions of idiots.
On Tuesday night, Smoke’s stand went up in flames, literally. Smoke wasn’t there when things blew up, literally. He left to get a Big One combo at Ward’s. He had a teenager manning the stand while he was gone. A grandpa with his grandson arrived just as Smoke was leaving. The grandpa was smoking a cigarette, and the teenage worker was scared to say anything to him. Everything was fine until the grandpa was tripped by his grandson. The teenager worker rushed over to help the man up, and they both forgot about the cigarette that was in his mouth. The man eventually got back on his feet and dusted his clothes off after 30 seconds or so. Then, it started.
First, it was firecrackers, and then it was whistling bottlerockets. They lost track after that. Everyone realized they were in trouble. The worker, the grandpa and his grandson, and everyone around the stand starting running for the hills, ducking behind vehicles, and running into Pic & Save. It was total chaos, and it seemed to last forever. Fireworks were shooting in all directions, and the stand was on fire. The noises were deafening. It was a total disaster.
One onlooker said, “I was walking out of Pic & Save, and I heard the noises. I ducked behind somebody’s car and watched the show. I was scared at first, and I almost wet my pants. But, it ended up being a pretty good fireworks show. I feel sorry for Smoke though. I was actually headed over there to get fireworks for my kids, but I guess I won’t be buying them from Smoke this year.” There were reports that multiple cars just stopped on the highway to watch the “show.”
Pictured taken by local resident
Smoke heard the noises while he was in the drive thru at Ward’s, and he knew what it was. He started getting knots in his stomach, and he rushed back to the stand. It was basically finished when he arrived, but his stand was still on fire. Firefighters arrived a few minutes later to extinguish the stand, but it was a loss. Smoke said, “I couldn’t believe it. I was speechless. I just wanted to make sure my worker and everyone else was ok. Thank God! No one was hurt, and nothing else caught on fire. The bad news is that my dog, Sparky, ran off, and we can’t find him.”
Sparky was not the only animal that was spooked. Two Valley City residents that live close to Pic & Save had their cats climb trees, and the cats wouldn’t come down. The firefighters left Smoke’s stand to retrieve the cats, and the firefighters had to work to 1:30 am retrieving the cats. Dogs could be heard howling in the wee hours of the night; they were obviously spooked by the explosions.
Smoke is a savvy businessman, and he had insurance on his fireworks. Smoke said, “It really sucks because I think I was going to have a great week, but I’ll make a little profit from the insurance money. Smoke laughed, “I probably won’t be able to get insurance in the future now though.”
As I was finishing this story, I received word that Smoke had finally found Sparky. Smoke said, “I’m probably going to have to take him to a dog therapist; I’m sure he has PTSD and he’ll never be the same. But, I’m relieved that he’s alive.” So, it’s good that we have a happy ending to this explosive story.
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. The lights, the music, the food, the gifts; I could go on and on. The Christmas office party has become something that most look forward to this time of year as well. Everyone brings their spouse, and everyone enjoys a good festive meal. There may or may not be a little alcohol involved, and everyone has a great time.
As you know, The Valley Chronicle is our competitor, and we’ve developed quite a rivalry. We don’t like them, and they don’t like us. Let’s be honest, they’re jealous of us. They’ve been the only game in town for 75 plus years, and they don’t like that we’ve come on the seen and upset the apple cart. The Chronicle is known to go all out for their Christmas party, and this year was no different. They had a fine catered meal with a full bar; it was super nice. In case you’re wondering, I have a lady friend at the Chronicle that feeds me info. Everything was wonderful until they started playing Dirty Santa.
Johnny Crunk is the longtime President of The Valley Chronicle, and his wife is Karen Crunk. She is a well known socialite in The Valley, and she never misses a good party. So, the meal was over, and they started playing Dirty Santa. Everyone was having a great time until Susie Steele stole Karen’s gift. My source said that Karen had had a little too much egg nog, and she was in great spirits until her gift was stolen. Susie told my source, “Hey! Watch this!” Evidently Susie knew that it might set Karen off, and it definitely did.
Karen’s facial expression and disposition instantly changed. She said, “I can’t believe that heifer took my gift.” Susie heard her, and that set her off. Susie said, “Yeah, I took your gift. What you gonna do about it? This is Dirty Santa you know.” Evidently, these two ladies don’t like each other, and they recently had a verbal altercation at another party. Before anyone could blink, the two middle aged women were face to face yelling at each other. Let’s just say you couldn’t use the words they were using in Sunday school. It all came to a head when Karen put her finger in Susie’s face. Susie pushed Karen, and then it was on like Donkey Kong. They were going at it! Hair was pulled, clothes almost came off, and both ended up on the floor rolling around. I do have video of the altercation, but I want to continue to live, so I won’t be releasing it.
After a few moments, the scuffle was broken up. But, the police were called, and the party came to an abrupt halt. No charges were filed, but it was a big embarrassment for the Chronicle and the Crunk family. And, now everyone in The Valley and the world gets to hear about it! If you haven’t already, you need to ditch your Chronicle subscription, and get your news from the SRVO!
Valleyans, don’t be a Karen or Susie this Christmas season. We have so much to be joyful and thankful for this Christmas season. Lay off the egg nog at your office Christmas party. And, remember that Jesus is the reason for the season!
Live nativity scenes are not common these days, but Six Town Hollow Baptist Church still does one every year. Six Town has been doing their live nativity scene for around 100 years, and most families have been involved for generations. They do it nightly during the second week of December each year. Six Town goes all out each year, and Valleyans and people from outside The Valley come see it year after year.
The nativity scene hasn’t missed a year since they started it in 1925; even covid couldn’t stop it. It was interesting to see the characters with masks, but they kept it going. They’re always there on the 2nd week of December, rain or shine. Unfortunately, they had to shut it down after 2 nights this year.
Let’s just say, what could go wrong, went wrong. First, Baby Jesus came down with hand, foot, and mouth, and he passed it on to 3 other kids that were involved. Also, Mary got it, and it was rough on her. So, they had to find fill ins for all these people, and they ended up using a baby doll as Jesus for the first time ever. Next, Ms. Josephine Ramm accidentally drove her car into one of the props and destroyed it on the first night. She accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake, and luckily she didn’t hit a person or animal in the nativity scene. Ms. Ramm couldn’t be reached for comment, but everyone said she felt horrible for what happened.
On the second night, they had issues with the animals. The donkey named Balaam kicked two different adults involved with the program. One was ok, but the other has a hairline fracture in their shin. One actor said, “I guess Balaam decided to talk with his legs. He is a mean thing. We gotta find a new donkey next year.” Next, one of the male goats got loose, and he climbed up on the Hill’s car and caused some damage to the hood. After they got him off, he rammed the side of their vehicle and caused more damage.
As the second night was winding down, Ms. Karene Downs drove her car off in the ditch as she was leaving. A tow truck had to be called to get her out, and that caused all the cars to be stuck in line for about 40 minutes. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Bro. Moses Joseph, the pastor of Six Town Hollow Baptist, said, “We had to shut it down. We didn’t want to do it, but we felt it was necessary. We were going to be running low on actors; a couple of actors had also gotten the flu. I know Valleyans are disappointed, and we are disappointed too. But, we’ll do it again next year, and it’ll be better than ever. We’re not gonna let Satan shut it down for good. People need to realize Satan is real, and he’s going to get after you sometimes. We just have to put our faith in God, and realize that he’s gonna get us through it. A great verse of scripture for this is John 16:33. God is good!”
Riviera Cosmetic and Plastic Surgery Group out of Madison has decided to open a clinic in Valley City. In our self absorbed, glitz and glam, social media loving world, people have become obsessed about their outer appearances. Business has been booming for Riviera, and they have been looking to expand recently. They looked at their patient database, and they realized they had a large number of patients that live in The Valley. So, it made sense to put a clinic in The Valley to better serve their patients.
The clinic will be on Main St. in Valley City in the downtown medical complex. Initially, the clinic will be open 3 days a week: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Riviera’s Marketing Director, Brittney Kardashian, shared their excitement about the new clinic. She said, “We are super excited about our new clinic in The Valley. We serve a ton of patients in The Valley, and they no longer have to drive all the way to Madison. We hope to attract new patients from The Valley as well.”
The clinic will provide parking behind the building so patients don’t have to park on Main St. and be seen entering and exiting the clinic. The clinic also promises patients that they won’t be seen by other patients while inside the clinic. Kardashian said, “Generally, our patients don’t want others to know they’ve had procedures, and we do all we can to make that happen. We’ve found this is especially true of female Valleyans; they don’t want others to know they’ve had work done.”
The new Riviera clinic will also offer a couple procedures for men- hair transplants and neck lifts. Kardashian said, “We’re thrilled to offer procedures for the men of The Valley. We’ve talked to multiple men that wanted to remain anonymous, but they’re looking forward to getting hair transplants.”
The new clinic will offer multiple Christmas specials to new Valley patients including 25% off botox, facelifts, and chemical peels. Kardashian said, “Men of the Valley, give your women the gift of cosmetic or plastic surgery this year! We have some great deals!” They also plan to offer tummy tuck specials for Mother’s Day and hair transplant specials for Father’s Day next year. Additionally, they will offer buy now, pay later options, so most Valleyans will be able to afford their procedures.
Most Valleyans I talked with are excited about the new clinic. One female said, “I’ve already told my husband what to get me for Christmas- botox and it’s 25% off! I’m thrilled, and he’s thrilled because he doesn’t have to pick out a gift for me this year. He really sucks at that.” A middle aged male said, “I’m getting myself a neck lift for Christmas this year. I’m a MSU bulldog fan, but I won’t actually look like a bulldog anymore. I’m pumped!”
The clinic is already open, and they’re seeing a lot of new patients. The Christmas specials have been a huge boon for business. But, time will tell if the early success will be sustainable.
Strong River Bend (SRB) announced at their recent board meeting that they will be installing traffic cameras to assist the SRB Police Department (SRBPD) with dealing with traffic violations. SRB has a busy 4-way stop with hundreds of drivers passing through daily. SRBPD does a good job with the few resources that they have, but these cameras will be a big asset for the department.
Police chief, Andy Fife, is excited about the cameras. He said, “We do the best we can keeping SRB a safe place, but it’s not easy. We do a lot of roadblocks to catch DUIs and drivers with no license or expired licenses, and we give a lot of tickets for tag lights, headlights, and taillights being out. But, we don’t write many tickets for drivers that fail to stop at the 4-way; that will change with the new traffic cameras. You better make sure you stop at the SRB 4-way!”
The new traffic cameras will be fixated on the 4-way stop exclusively. SRB is not disclosing the location of the cameras for fear that residents will try to destroy the cameras. SRB felt like they were missing out on a lot of revenue by not writing more tickets at the 4-way, and the cameras should help alleviate that issue and increase revenue to the town. SRB Mayor Gus Easyspirit said, “We think these cameras will make SRB a safer place, and they will be a major revenue generator for our town. We’re excited the impact they’re going to have on our annual budget.”
The high resolution cameras will read the tags of drivers that come through the 4-way. Drivers that fail to stop will be mailed a ticket based on their tag info. SRBPD simply has to sit back and collect that revenue. Chief Fife said, “Tickets for failure to stop at the 4-way will be $75. These cameras will free up time for our officers to patrol and make our town safer.”
Many SRB and Valley residents are not happy about the cameras. One resident said, “This is crazy! How much did the cameras cost? They didn’t disclose that. I guess I’ll avoid the 4-way from now on, but if I do come through there, I’ll probably flip the cameras off.” Another resident said, “What are the police officers going to do now? Sit in their patrol cars and play Words with Friends, CandyCrush, or scroll through Facebook all the time? This is outrageous, and it violates my right to a rolling stop! I’m going to find these cameras and either shoot them or cut the cords. Bet!”
The cameras will be installed in the next few weeks. Most SRB residents aren’t happy about it, but they do realize it should help the town’s budget. We’ll check back a year from now to see how they impacted SRB’s budget.
Valley City is undergoing a street paving project right now, and most of the town’s streets have been repaved. The residents are very happy about the upgrades. But, the project on Mendenhall Blvd. has been halted, because the work crew uncovered some artifacts under the street.
Part of Mendenhall Blvd. adjacent to Simpson St. had to be excavated, and the dirt had to be replaced. While the crew was working, they uncovered a treasure trove of old artifacts. The artifacts include gold coins, gold trinkets, gold jewelry and more. Valley City authorities immediately called the MS Archaeological Society to assess the situation, and the paving project was halted. The area was cordoned off, and law enforcement officers are now stationed there 24/7.
The archaeology project is headed by Jones Indiana. Indiana has a ton of experience will archaeological projects all across Mississippi. I was able to spend some time with Indiana at the site. He said, “This is a huge deal, and we are super excited about this project. This is one of the most significant discoveries in MS in a long time. Initially, we thought it might have been from the famous Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto and his crew that traveled across MS and the Southeast. But, after a few days of work, we realized that it was not from de Soto and his men.”
Indiana and his crew are almost certain now that these artifacts are from a lesser known Spanish explorer, Pedro de Soto. Pedro was the younger brother of Hernando de Soto. He and his crew explored some of modern day Mexico, and afterwards they sailed to the Gulf Coast and landed close to modern day Biloxi. They arrived about 5 years after Hernando and his crew had explored MS, and they traveled a straight route that would’ve mirrored the current Hwy. 49 layout. Indiana said, “We think Pedro and his men may have traded the gold for food and other goods in the Valley City area with the Six Town Indians.” Pedro and his men are believed to have spent a few weeks living and trading with the Six Towns in the current day Valley City area. Hernando de Soto was the first European to see the MS River, but his brother, Pedro, was the first European to see the Strong River.
Indiana doesn’t know how long this archaeological project will take, but he thinks it will be a minimum of 3 months. Some Valley City residents are not happy about that. Local resident Bubba Diggs said, “Look, they need to dig that crap up and move on. Nobody had ever heard of freakin Pedro de Soto, so no one gives a crap. I don’t like having to drive 1/4 mile out of the way to get to my house. Let’s get this crap over with asap.”
This has brought Valley City and The Valley a lot of publicity, and Indiana thinks there will some type of monument to commemorate this finding in the future that will attract tourists. Despite the publicity, area residents are ready for the project to be completed. They just want their streets to be paved and to get on with life.
