Category Uncategorized

by Ben BeEssen

The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) headed by Elon Musk has been in the headlines quite a bit lately. Musk has been tasked with cutting government waste and fraud, and he and his team have been hard at work since Trump’s inauguration. DOGE has inspired states, cities, and Valley County to implement similar measures to cut fraud and waste. Now, it appears a Valley church has been inspired by DOGE to cut waste and repetitiveness with the church.

First Baptist Valley City (FBVC) is the largest church in Valley City and Valley County. FBVC’s new Chairman of Deacons is Ron Radeucer, and he is an accountant and organizational efficiency specialist (OES). He has felt there is too much waste and too many committees at FBVC for a while, and he’s using his power as chairman to do something about it.

Radeucer said, “I’ve complained about it, and I’ve heard others complain about it for years too. But, I’ve never been in a position to do something about it, but now it’s time. I understand that some members won’t be happy with what I’m planning to do, but that’s ok. My goal is to make so many people mad that I’ll never be appointed as chairman again.”

Radeucer has a plan. He added, “I have formed the Committee on Church Efficiency (COCE). I read the bylaws, and I know it can be done. Plus, our pastor is on board with it. I’ll handpick 7 members, and we’re going to get to work, and we’re going to be transparent like DOGE. We have 30 committees, and I want to get down to 15 or less. I also plan to change the name of the Committee on Committees; I cringe every time I hear someone say it. I have some different names in mind like the Managing Committee, Quarterback Committee, and a few more. Additionally, we’re going to cut some waste.”

Radeucer has identified some ways to save money and cut waste. Radeucer said, “COCE plans to do away with the bulletin. It costs us hundreds of dollars each year to print the bulletin. We’re going to continue to have a bulletin, but it will be electronic. We’ll provide a QR code on the big screen and throughout the church for people to scan with their cell phones. Additionally, COCE will recommend to the Greeting/Coffee Committee to start using off brand coffee, and we’re going to recommend not providing doughnuts or pastries on Sunday mornings. Also, we’re going to recommend cutting the church staff’s “team building” retreat to the Gulf Coast each year. This will save us thousands each year.”

Radeucer said, “People are probably going to be angry with me, and that’s ok. We’re going to be transparent with the church and let them know what’s going on. After seeing the increase in efficiency within the church and the extra savings, I think they’ll be pleased.”

I was able to speak with a couple members about COCE. An older female member said, “I hope Ron doesn’t start messing with the Homecoming Committee. I know we haven’t had homecoming in 6 years, and our committee hasn’t met in 3 years. But, they really don’t need to cut this committee; I’ve been on it for 25 years.”

A younger female member said, “I’m not too keen on the off brand coffee. I love my coffee, and I can tell the difference between premium and mediocre coffee. The cool hip pastor and good coffee are the two main reasons I come to FVBC. I’m not pleased about this.”

It will be interesting to see how FBVC members react to COCE. We’ll keep you up to date on COCE and its impact on FBVC.

by Offe Hisczrocher

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is all the rage now. You hear about it all the time. Many AI software programs and apps are being used daily by people across the globe, and these programs are making our lives easier. One software program that has become part of the lexicon is ChatGPT. Many of you reading this have used ChatGPT for work or something else. If you haven’t used it, your child in high school or college probably uses routinely to write papers and essays. Many tech experts think AI’s impact will be bigger than the Internet itself, but time will tell.

Valley tech entrepreneur, Mark Bezos, has created an AI program called Bliss that he believes will strengthen and save marriages. Bezos said, “I’ve been married four times now, and marriage ain’t easy. I’ve been creating tech companies for 25 plus years, and I’ve created some great companies. But, I feel like Bliss is the most significant project I’ve worked on; I think it’s going to make a huge positive impact on marriages and families.”

Bliss will go live next week. You will be able to access it via your desktop or via an Apple or Android app. Users will have to allow the app to have access to their text messages, instant message apps, emails, and most of the users’ apps. The app will automatically listen to your conversations (it doesn’t ask for permission for that). The app will also track users with GPS, and it will track users’ phone usage and what apps they’re using. Bliss’s algorithm will compile this data for its users, and it will offer timely advice to its users via the dashboard and push notifications. Bliss will never sell users’ information.

Bezos said, “Bliss is not a panacea, but it can provide practical and useful information to its users. For example, Bliss will be able to interpret female “code” language. It will be able to let a husband know what his wife really means with her communication. Many times husbands complain about their wives not being totally forthcoming about what they really want or how they truly feel. Bliss will be able to solve this issue for husbands in most instances. The app will be able to predict a woman’s feelings and emotions, so it will give men the information they need to act preemptively. This will be huge for husbands and allow them to take action to please their wives. The app will also alert men when a full moon coincides with their wife’s “time of the month”, and it will even give men possible excuses to be away from home during that time.”

“Another example is that Bliss will let wives know when they’re nagging or complaining too much to their husbands,” said Bezos. “Bliss will listen to their conversations, and it can detect tone and elevated decibels. The app will also be able to detect when a wife has a legitimate reason to be unhappy with her husband, and it will remind her not to go to far in addressing the issue. It will send push notifications to wives that are nagging or complaining too often. The nagging or complaining notification can be turned off, so husbands should be aware of this. This is just a few examples of how Bliss can work and improve marriages. There are many more!”

I talked to a couple that has been using Bliss through a pilot program. The husband said, “Bliss has definitely helped me to be a better and more thoughtful husband. For example, it sent me a push notification a couple days ago asking me when was the last time I bought flowers for my wife, and it recommended that I surprise her with flowers. Well, I bought flowers for my wife, and she was so happy. She’d had a rough few days at work, and it meant a lot to her.”

The wife said, “I wasn’t crazy about downloading Bliss to begin with, but I’m glad we did now. A week ago, it asked me when was the last time I cooked dinner for my husband, and I couldn’t remember. I really hadn’t thought about that in a while. My husband and I work hard each day, and we’re tired in the evenings. We eat sandwiches or tv dinners most of the time, but my husband doesn’t complain about it. I’m sure he wishes I’d could cook more often. So, I took Bliss’s recommendation, and I cooked a nice pasta dish for us, and my husband was so grateful.”

Bliss shows great promise in helping marriages. It works best when both spouses download the app. If one spouse starts using the app, and the other spouse isn’t aware of it, there could be issues. The spouse that is not using the app could suspect something is up, so make sure you and your spouse are on the same page when using Bliss.

by Ben BeEssen

Subaru vehicles are known for their durability. According to Subaru, 96% of their vehicles sold within the past 10 years are still on the road today. Subaru vehicles are popular in mountainous areas of the country like the Pacific Northwest. All wheel drive is standard on all of their vehicles, and that comes in handy in rugged and mountainous areas that can have snowy and icy conditions. Most of the areas that Subarus are popular tend to also lean left politically, so the stereotypical Subaru owner is a liberal with a coexist bumper sticker.

Bernie Grenola is trying to break that stereotype. Grenola is a conservative Republican that is driving his second Subaru Outback. Grenola said, “I absolutely love my Subaru. People around The Valley think I’m a liberal because I drive a Subaru, but I’m about as conservative as you can get. I voted for Trump, and I watch Fox News nightly. I deer hunt, and I love college football. I also listen to Glenn Beck on the radio every day, and I’m as patriotic as you can get. Despite all that, my family and friends make fun of me because I drive a Subaru. So, I decided to do something about it.”

Grenola has formed the Valley Republican Subaru Club, and he plans to break the stigma attached to Subaru owners in The Valley and the South. Grenola said, “We had our first meeting last week, and we had 4 Subaru owners show up. We had a great meeting, and we did some brainstorming. We’re hoping to double our numbers by our meeting next month, and we really hope to grow this group over time. Based on my research, there are a few hundred of us around, but we just have to get the word out about our organization.”

The club had a few ideas to promote itself. They plan to reach out to the local Subaru dealership, and let the sales team know about their club in hopes they’ll promote it to new buyers. They also plan to create car magnets that say “Republicans Drive Subarus Too”, and they all plan to put them on their Subarus. They’ll give the magnets to all new club members.

Grenola said, “We really appreciate the SRVO doing a story for our club. It will definitely help get the word out in the community. Republicans and conservatives actually do drive Subarus. You don’t have to give us mean looks at traffic lights; you don’t have to put Joe Biden magnets on our vehicles. We’re with you! Hopefully, the Valley Republican Subaru Club can raise awareness in The Valley and the world that all Subaru owners aren’t liberals. It could be worse, we could be driving Teslas. I challenge all the haters to drive a Subaru. As they say, Once you drive a Subaru, you won’t go back.”

We’ll see if the Valley Rebublican Subaru Club will be able to break the stereotype. They’re going to have an uphill battle, but Grenola and his crew seem determined. But, time will tell.

by Emma Embellischer

The inaugural Armadillo Day last year was a big hit in The Valley. You can read about it HERE. This year’s celebration was even bigger. Since Feb. 2nd was on a Sunday this year, the festivities were moved to yesterday, Saturday, Feb. 1st. We are in the Bible Belt, so having the festivities on a Sunday would definitely limit the crowd.

The Valley Armadillo Club had been planning the festivities for months, and they did a great job. I was able to catch up with Graye Hardshelle, the club’s president. He said, “We’ve been working hard to get Buck Bend Resort ready for weeks now, and it turned out great. Everything got kicked off at 6:30 am with everyone watching Valley Vic. Luckily, he came out of his burrow; you never know if we’ll be able to get him to come out. We had a huge crowd gathered watching his every move. Valley Vic did see his shadow, so that means we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter. So, it looks like we’ll have to wait until March to start wearing shorts again.”

Valley Vic will never be picked up like the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, because no one wants to get leprosy. So, the announcement of whether he sees his shadow or not will never be as exciting as Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day. But, the organizers of Armadillo Day do all they can to make it a fun and exciting atmosphere like a carnival or fair. Hardshelle said, “We had vendors cooking breakfast as early as 6:00 am, so it was smelling good at Buck Bend. We even had the Valley City High School Band doing a drum roll for Valley Vic. We had all kinds of fun stuff for kids to do; it’s similar to the state fair or a county fair. We had a big crowd this year since it was held on a Saturday, and I hope the crowds continue to grow each year.”

Food is a big draw for Armadillo Day. You can buy just about any type of fried food imaginable. There were a ton of food vendors peddling some great food. There were a few food contests that drew a lot of attention. At noon, there was a catfish cookoff, and that was a big hit. There was also a dessert contest at 2:00, and the winner cooked a bread pudding. There was a gumbo cookoff at 5:00 pm, and that drew a large crowd as well.

The mullet contest was a big hit. There were 9 entrants, and there were some really nice mullets. It all came down to Joe Durtt and Kenny Powers- straight vs. curly. The judges went with the straight mullet- Joe Durtt. The crowd went wild when Durtt was announced as the winner, and some of Powers’ friends were not happy with the judges.

Things really started to heat up in the evening as the Valley Vagabonds took the stage at 6:00. They put on a great show as always. Hardshelle said, “They’re one of the best Lynyrd Skynyrd cover bands around, and they always put on a great show. Valleyans came out in droves to see them.”

The Valley Armadillo Club plans to make this event bigger and bigger each year. They hope that it will one day be a regional event that will draw people from across The Valley, Mississippi, and the South. Hardshelle said, “We’re gonna make it bigger and bigger each year. Go big or go home right! So, y’all tell your friends and family about it, and we’ll see everyone next year.”

by I. B. Lyon

Stanley cups or tumblers are all the rage these days. Every young girl either has a Stanley cup or really wants one. This has led to some companies manufacturing Stanley knockoffs or lookalikes, but none of these have really caught on. A Valley company called Rodney is now challenging Stanley.

Stanley cup or tumblers are very durable and functional cups, and that’s why people love them. Plus, they come in many fun colors, and many women on social media promote them. This has caused their sales to go through the roof. But, there are a couple issues with Stanley cups. The price point- they’re pretty expensive. And, the fact that they’re made in China is another issue.

Valley electrician, Stu Cupp, has decided to take on the behemoth Stanley. Cupp has always used a thermos or tumbler cup to hold his coffee and sweet tea. Cupp said, “Back in the day, I used the old school Stanley thermos; these young girls don’t know anything about that. More recently, I used a Yeti cup until they went woke. My wife fell into the Stanley Quencher rage, and she bought three of them. After that, I decided I was going to start my own tumbler company. Why not?”

Cupp had to find ways to differentiate himself from Stanley and other companies in the marketplace. Cupp said, “First off, my cups had to be tough as nails. They had to be indestructible. Stanley’s cups are 18/8 stainless steel, but my cups are going to be 20/10 stainless steel. Chemists and engineers said I wouldn’t be able to do 20/10, but I got it done. Also, every part of my cups were going to be made in America. I worked on my prototype for months, and I finally finished it a few months ago. I’m going to have two sizes, 24 oz. and 40 oz. I’m proud of what I’ve done, and the future looks very bright.”

When thinking of a name for his company, Cupp wanted something that embodied grit and toughness. Cupp’s pet raccoon, Rodney, kept coming to mind. Cupp rescued Rodney as a baby 4 years ago; his mom and siblings had been ran over. Rodney had a broken leg, and he was in really bad shape. Cupp didn’t know if Rodney was going to make it, but he survived. Cupp said, “Rodney is the toughest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s a survivor. He’ll take on any animal; my dogs and cats don’t mess with him. So, after a while, I decided I was going to honor Rodney and name the company after him.”

Cupp realizes he’s facing an uphill battle in challenging Stanley. They generated $750 million in sales in 2023 alone. Cupp said, “You gotta start somewhere right? My wife and I have traveled around to multiple trade shows in the past couple months, and we’ve sold 79 units. She’s been promoting the cups on social media, and it’s been getting some traction. We’ve sold a lot of cups from social media. I did a video of Rodney drinking water out of one, and that was a big hit. I’m really going to have to step up the social media game though. So, I’m looking for good looking women and manly men with a minimum of 1,000 followers on Tiktok and Instagram. We want to market to men too, not just women. I’m going to need some manly hunters and outdoorsmen to market to that demographic. We’ll pay you $25 to do a post for us. That’s how you promote stuff these days, and all it takes is one post to go viral.”

Cupp has gotten into a few local retailers including The Riz Men’s Store, Loco Lulu’s Boutique, and Bougie Bertha’s, and he plans to expand even further into more retailers. Cupp wants to sell online in addition to retailers, and he’s working on his online store to get it where he wants it.

Cupp said, “Y’all give Rodneys a chance! They’re more durable than Stanleys, and they’re made here in The Valley and America. Plus, they’re cheaper than Stanleys. I feel good about what I’ve created, and I hope to become a household brand. I hope to see young girls and boys sipping out of a Rodney in the future!”

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

For those of you that go to the gym regularly, you know people taking workout selfies has gotten a little out of hand. For those of you that don’t work out, I’m sure you’ve seen videos or pictures on social media of people taking obscene and obnoxious selfies and videos inside the gym. Some people are basically having photo sessions for Instagram and Tiktok instead of actually working out. This is annoying and distracting to the old school people that just go to the gym to workout.

Strong River Bend Fitness owner Richard Simmons has decided to do something about this issue, and he has enacted a new strict cell phone policy. Photos or videos are no longer allowed in the main gym area. However, he has built a new workout room where cell phones are allowed; this room has mirrors on all four walls. Simmons said, “This trend of gym goers taking pics and videos for social media has gotten out of control. Also, the clothes or lack of clothes on some women has become very distracting as well. Some of my members kept complaining about it to me, so I decided to do something about it. If you want to take selfies, you can go in the cell phone room and take as many as your heart desires.”

Gym members that are caught taking selfies or videos in the main gym area will receive a warning, and they will be banned for 6 months for a second offense. A third offense will result in a permanent ban. Simmons said, “I guess we have a 3 strikes and your out policy. We’ll post multiples signs in the gym to make people aware of our policy. I hope people will comply, because I don’t want a bunch of calls and texts from members tattle tailing on other members. And, I don’t want to have to check security cameras to see if people are violating the new rule.”

The members I talked with had mixed feelings about the new cell phone policy. One young female member said, “I’m not happy about this new rule. I’m trying to build my social media following, and my followers love my workout selfies and videos. I’m up to 3,000 followers on Tiktok and I’m starting to make money, but this new rule is going to make it harder for me. I feel like I’m being put in timeout or something. The cell phone room doesn’t have near the equipment as the main gym area; this is not good.”

An older male gym member said, “I’m so glad Richard made this new rule. These young people just want to come in here and hangout and take selfies. They get in my way all the time. Look, I’m here to workout, not be part of your photo session. Plus, the clothes that some of these attention seeking young women wear has gotten out of hand. Now, I won’t have to worry about this crap anymore, and I’m pretty happy about that.”

It will interesting to see how this new cell phone policy goes. Will it attract more members to Strong River Bend Fitness, or will it hurt their membership? Will more gyms follow Strong River Bend Fitness? We’ll touch base with Simmons and give you and update a few months from now.

by Emma Embellischer

The incoming Trump Administration plans to hit the ground running, and a major emphasis for them is to cut government spending and waste. To do that, they have formed the Dept. of Government Efficiency or DOGE. DOGE is being headed by Tesla founder Elon Musk and presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, and they’ve already been making headlines for highlighting the absurd items and programs our federal government wastes money on.

DOGE has evidently inspired Ghittar Dunn. He recently made headlines for spearheading the effort to make daylight saving time permanent in Valley County; you can read that story HERE. Some would say that Dunn is on a heater. Now, he has led an effort to form the County Government Efficiency Commission or CGEC. Like DOGE, CGEC will be led by leaders outside of county government to avoid any conflicts of interest and actually get something done.

CGEC will be led by local business owners Billy Slasher and Johnny Cuttar. Slasher owns Slasher Grocery and Cuttar owns the Cuttar Accounting Firm. Both men are well known and well respected people in Valley County. Slasher and Cuttar will start meeting and collaborating next week, and they will talk with the board of supervisors at the February meeting. They plan to present a plan to the board in May.

Dunn said, “As soon as I heard about DOGE, I knew we had have a DOGE for Valley County. There is a lot of wasteful spending in our county, and it needs to be stopped. It’s been talked about for a long time, but no one ever really wants to tackle the issue. I had to drag the other supervisors kicking and screaming to get CGEC done, but it’s done. I think DOGE will do some great things at the federal level, and I hope CGEC will do the same for Valley County.”

Slasher and Cuttar have been doing some preliminary work for CGEC. Cuttar said, “I’ve been talking with some of the county administrative staff and employees, and they’ve provided some good info to me. I know the supervisors and other elected officials aren’t crazy about CGEC, because they know some cuts are coming. But, we’re going to do what’s best for Valley County and our sustainability going forward.”

Slasher said, “I’ve been talking with some of the garbage, road dept. and maintenance guys, and I’ve learned a lot that I didn’t know. I had no idea a couple of our supervisors and elected officials get multiple loads of gravel for their driveways and hunting camps each year. Well, that’s going to stop! We’re just getting started! This is going to get interesting.”

Cuttar and Slasher said they were going to be talking with county office school workers, staff, and teachers next, so Valley County Schools will probably not be immune from cuts too.

I talked to multiple Valley County residents, and they were happy about CGEC. One resident said, “My cousin works down at the court house, and she tells me about some of the stuff they waste money on. I know the county pays for two of the judge’s country club dues. Plus, one judge just got $20K of new furniture for his office. I was also told they go on multiple team building retreats each year to the Gulf Coast on the county’s dime. This stuff needs to stop.”

Another Valley County resident said, “One of the supervisors lives down the road from me, so I know a few things. Why is his country truck lifted with rims, and why does it have tinted windows? Who paid for that? Also, he got his long driveway paved by our county workers during the week. Did he pay for that? Plus, I know his brother-in-law got a lucrative contract to do some work for the county. We got to do something about this wasteful spending, and I hope CGEC will get it done.”

The SRVO will keep you updated on CGEC, and we’ll be sure to cover their final report in March.

by Heeza de Seaver

The Strong River Bend (SRB) 4-way stop is at the crossroads of Hwy. 81 and Hwy. 31, and it can get pretty busy at times. You have drivers coming through the intersection from 4 different counties coming to and from work each day. There’s rarely an accident or issue at the 4-way stop until this Tuesday. Somehow, there was a 4 car pile up this Tuesday morning, and SRB officials are still scratching their heads as to how it happened.

I was able to talk with SRB police chief Barney Kojak. He said, “We’re still in the process of investigating the accident and gathering evidence and testimonies from witnesses and those involved. But, I just don’t understand how it happened. It’s just mind-boggling. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

I was able to speak with two of the drivers involved in the accident, and they will remain anonymous because of the ongoing investigation. A 45 year old man involved said, “I was the second person to stop; an elderly lady stopped before me. I motioned for her to come on, but she didn’t go. So, I started to go, and then she stomps on it and turns and hits me on the front driver’s side of my truck. I couldn’t believe it! I think people over age 75 should have to take the driver’s test each year to make sure they’re still competent enough to drive. There ain’t no way this old lady wouldn’t have passed.”

A 16 year old female driver involved in the accident said, “I’m going to honest with you; I was texting a friend when I pulled up to the 4-way. I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but I was. I won’t be doing it anymore, I promise you that. I looked and two other cars stopped before me, so I looked down to finish my text. I glanced up and waited a second, and I started to go. Then, 2 of the vehicles collided, and the noise scared me to death. So, I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake, and there you go. I was so upset, because I knew my dad was going to want to kill me.”

I was also able to speak to an eyewitness who heard and saw the accident as she was leaving the Dollar General. She said, “I was walking out of DG, and I heard a loud noise. I looked over at the 4 way, and I saw the two vehicles involved. Then, I couldn’t believe it when the young girl ran into the car. If I had to bet, she was probably texting or on Tiktok. Then, I saw the other car try to drive around the accident, and the elderly lady backed into that car. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I just started laughing. A 4 car pile up at the SRB 4 way? No way! I thought I that I was in the middle of a dream.”

Luckily, no one was hurt in the accident. 4-way stops can occasionally be tricky propositions, but no one could’ve imagined this. I was able to speak to world renowned statistician, Flo Nightingale, about the probability of an accident like this happening at an intersection like the SRB 4 way. She did some calculations, and she told me there was a 1 in 34,497,713 chance that an accident like this could happen.

This accident will surely go down in Valley lore for decades to come. Some people have already started coming up with nicknames for the accident- Melee at the 4-Way, Bedlam at the Bend, and more. We’ll see which one will stick. Be careful out there Valleyans!

by Ben BeEssen

It seems like everything has become politicized these days. In the past, most companies and organizations tried to stay out of politics, and most companies tried to avoid controversial issues. Most felt it was bad for business because they could potentially alienate some of their customer base. Over the past 10 years or so, that has changed. Many companies and organizations have gladly jumped off into the culture wars of our day.

One issue that has been very controversial is the adding of preferred pronouns to email signatures and social media profiles. Many of you have probably received an email from someone that has their preferred pronouns listed in their email signature. I have, and it was pretty surprising the first time I saw it. Some of you probably have connections on LinkedIn that have their preferred pronouns listed as well. Of course, this doesn’t happen in The Valley, but it does happen in more liberal areas of the country.

One Valley company has decided to jump into the culture wars, and they have come in with guns a blazing. Burly Billy’s Beef Jerky is a well known snack company in The Valley. They’re known for their beef jerky, but they also manufacture many different snacks. You can find their products in stores across The Valley, Mississippi, and the South. Burly Billy’s employs about 20 people, and they have only one female employee- Ms. Judy. They are proudly patriotic, and the company is not shy about making their views known.

Burly Billy’s is making waves now because of what they’ve done with their employees’ email signatures. They have strongly encouraged their employees to add personal information to their email name lines and email signatures. Sales reps are encouraged to add their golf handicap and their lowest golf score ever, and the production and maintenance employees are encouraged to add their max bench press and max squat numbers. The employees’ email signatures will look similar to the ones in the picture below.

Owner Billy Burnside said, “I have seen that some liberal idiots add their pronouns to their email signatures, and I thought that was so stupid. I decided to have a little fun and go the total opposite direction. I wanted to make waves, and I wanted our company to show the world that we support being manly men. Our company is going to display our toxic masculinity for everyone to see. I thought it would be fun for our pretty boy sales guys to show off their golf handicaps and low scores, and I thought it would be awesome for our rough and tough production and maintenance guys to display their weightlifting numbers. I hope it makes the the libs wine and cry, and I hope other companies will follow suit!”

Burly Billy’s sale consultant, Chad Sellers, said, “I think this is a great idea. Burly Billy’s has great products, and people love them. But, this move will generate a lot of buzz for our company, and it will help me get in even more doors. That means more sales and more commission for me baby! Unfortunately, my golf game isn’t very good; I only play about 2-3 times per year. So, I’ll have to lie about my numbers. Heck, what is a golf handicap anyway?”

Burly Billy’s assembly line manager, Henry Ford, said, “I really like this idea. It’s going to set us apart in the marketplace, and it’s going to get us a lot of publicity. There’s no such thing as bad publicity right? My guys are going to have a lot of fun with it. I’m sure some guys will inflate their weightlifting numbers, and some of the guys will have to start working out. Heck, we may have to add a rack in the facility for the guys to workout on during their breaks.”

I’m sure this will generate a lot of publicity for Burly Billy’s. It seems like there’s been a pretty significant shift to the right in the culture wars lately. It will be interesting to see how people react to this move by Burly Billy’s, and it will interesting to see if other companies follow their lead.

by I. B. Lyon

There have been rumblings in Valley County for a couples months now that the Valley County garbage workers were going to strike. Those rumors have come true. The county announced this Monday that the garbage workers had gone on strike. They are demanding higher wages.

I was able to have a phone conversation with Tony Trascherie, the Director of Valley County Solid Waste, yesterday. Trascherie said, “We’ve been underpaid and underappreciated for far too long. It’s time we take a stand. We’ve been warning the county for a while now, and we haven’t been taken seriously. We mean business! We chose the week of Christmas because we knew it would be the most impactful. Valleyans are going to have a ton of trash, and there’s not going to be anyone to pick it up.”

Word got out on social media and in the community that the garbage workers had gone on strike. Many people on the Let’s Talk Valley County Facebook group said they would just burn their trash, and that’s what they did. This caused another issue for the county. The 911 phone lines were inundated with calls about residents seeing smoke. People had no idea what was going on. Deputies began responding to calls, and after about 10 calls they stopped responding. None of the calls were emergencies; residents were just burning their trash.

911 dispatcher Billie Shatner said, “I thought this was some joke to begin with. I had no idea what was happening. I thought we had a huge forest fire or something. A colleague pulled up Facebook, and she saw all the people talking about the smoke and burning their trash. She told me what was going on, but we still had to respond to the calls. It was pretty darn stressful for a couple hours. I thought was I was going to lose my mind.”

Many Valley County residents had no idea what was going on. Some thought there was a forest fire, some thought the pipeline had exploded, and some thought it was the Apocalypse. One resident said, “I looked out my window and I saw smoke everywhere. I walked outside and looked around for a bit, and I thought this is it. This is the end I guess. The world is going to be destroyed by fire, and here it is. Revelation is playing out right in front of my eyes. I was in shock.”

Trascherie added, “I’m sorry about this unintended consequence of our strike. We in no way want to hinder the county’s ability to respond to emergencies. But, there’s an easy fix to the problem. Increase our pay! I hope the supervisors will call an emergency meeting next week to discuss our pay. We’ll strike for weeks if we need to.”

Valley residents hope the issue is resolved as soon as possible. We’ll see how the county leaders respond to the strike. The SRVO will keep you updated on the strike.