SRVO Writers’ New Years Resolutions
by SRVO Editorial Staff
Happy New Year Valleyans! We hope you had a great 2023, and we hope 2024 is even better for you. The Editorial Staff here at the SRVO has decided to have a little fun to start off the year. We asked all of our writers to give us at least one New Years resolution. Enjoy!
B. S. Ryter– Greetings Valleyans! My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my dog walking business. According to recent studies, 37% of dogs aren’t getting enough exercise, and it’s leading to increased health issues for our pups. I want to change that, and I want to improve the health of The Valley’s dogs and pad my pockets while I’m at it.
Ben BeEssen– Hey people of The Valley! My #1 focus in 2024 is to refocus on my writing. My priorities in 2023 were on growing my beard grooming business, and my writing suffered. I heard from you Valleyans, and I’ve listened. You’ll see an improvement in my writing this year; I promise you that. But, you can still buy my beard grooming supplies online.
Carl “Bull” Crapper– Howdy Valleyans! I hope all y’all have a great 2024. My #1 resolution for 2024 is not to have a kid this year. I have 2 jobs now to be able to feed all my kids, and I really don’t want to have to get a 3rd job.
Demar “Stretch” DeTrooth– What’s up Valleyans? I hope all of you had a great 2023. My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my writing horizons. I’m looked at as the “sports guy” here at the SRVO, and that’s ok. But, I want to expand my horizons and write about more than sports. Maybe, I can be like Michael Strahan one day. He was known as a sports guy, and look at him now. He does it all. So, follow me this year as I begin to write about news, human interest stories and more.
Emma Embellischer– Hey Valleyans! I hope you all had a good 2023, and I hope 2024 is starting well for you. As you know, I had an ugly, brief marriage to Bubba, and it left a bad taste in my mouth about the men of The Valley. But, I just want the men of The Valley to know that I’ve decided to let my preconceived notions about the men of The Valley go, and I am on the market. However, if your name is Bubba, don’t even bother. Also, no dipping, chewing, or vaping, and you can’t drink Bud Light. Also, you have to be able to live with cats, and you can’t be married. DM me guys!
I. B. Lyon– What’s happening Valley peeps? My primary New Years resolution is to stop my hatred for Coach Prime. He left my Jackson State Tigers high and dry; he dropped us like a bad habit. If he would’ve had a winning record at Colorado this past year, it might be impossible for me to stop hating him. But, they had a tough season, plus his recruiting was horrible and recruits are now dropping him like a bad habit. Y’all, pray for me that my hatred for Prime will continue to abate, and pray that Colorado has another losing season in 2024.
Ima Phibber– Hey everyone! The SRVO had a great inaugural year in 2023. We appreciate all of our readers. My #1 goal in 2024 is to continue to grow the profile and notoriety of the SRVO. I want the SRVO to be a household name for news not only in The Valley but across the state. I’m gonna carry this organization and its band of rag tag writers to the Promised Land!
Offe Hisczrocher– Hallo friends! My only resolution for the new year is to develop a taste for the food of The Valley. It’s much different than the food in Switzerland, but I’m determined to take a liking to it. I’m going to start with the catfish (grilled); maybe I can come around to fried catfish. I can’t wait to try some crayfish. I hear they’re great, but we’ll see in 2024.
Pullyn Mylegg– Hey y’all! I have a few resolutions for 2024, but my #1 resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. I’m 26 now, and it’s time. I can tell Mom is tired of doing my laundry and cooking my frozen pizzas. A close #2 is to cut my daily gaming time in half. It’s going to be tough, but I can do it.