Valley Doctor Sees Increase in Head/Neck Injuries
by Ben BeEssen
Dr. Gregory Gregg has been practicing medicine in The Valley for about 35 years now. Generations of Valleyans have trusted Dr. Gregg with their health. He’s loved and well respected by just about everyone in The Valley. Recently, he’s seeing a disturbing trend among young Valley males. More and more adolescent and teen boys are having head and neck issues.
Dr. Gregg said, “This is a disturbing trend among the young males that I’ve been seeing. Mom will bring in a young male, and they’ll be complaining about neck pain or headaches. Many of the boys are having concussion like symptoms. At first, I was baffled by the increase in these ailments. My first thought was too much screen time; I thought the boys looking down at screens for long periods of time could be the issue. But, I ruled that out after seeing a few young male patients. Next, I thought it could be long covid, something in the water, chemtrails, or something else. I also noticed that it was only males; no females were coming in with these issues. But, over the past few months I think I’ve discovered the issue. Now, we’re going to have to educate parents and the young males about the cause and how to prevent these issues.”
Dr. Gregg finally discovered the issue was “Bama bangs” or “frat boys bangs.” These young males like to have long flowing bangs, because that’s the cool hairstyle these days. The problem is the hair continues to get in their eyes and face, and they have to continually shake their head to get the hair out of their eyes and face. In many of Dr. Gregg’s young male patients, this is causing head and neck problems.
Dr. Gregg said, “Many of these boys have big heads, and their brains aren’t fully developed. A young male that has a developing brain can cause concussion like symptoms by repeatedly shaking his head. Also, our heads are pretty heavy. So, a young male can develop neck issues as well by repeatedly shaking his head.”
Dr. Gregg has some recommendations for young Valley males and their parents. These recommendations probably aren’t going to be popular among the boys though. If the parents take Dr. Gregg’s advice, the hairstyles of young Valley males are going to look a lot different.
Dr. Gregg said, “These Valley boys aren’t gonna want to hear this, but it needs to be done. All these Valley boys need to cut their hair; they all need to do flat tops or buzz cuts. I had one for years when I was young and when I was in the military. I turned out ok, and I didn’t have any head or neck issues. Cut your darn hair boys!”
Valley boys and their moms aren’t happy about Dr. Gregg’s recommendation. One 14 year old Valley boy said, “I love my Bama bangs. They have helped me pickup more than one girl. I ain’t cutting them; I guess I’ll just have to deal with a sore neck. One Valley mom said, “I can’t cut Little Ethan’s bangs; I just can’t do it. They are so cute. It would kill me to have them cut.”
Dr. Gregg has made some Valleyans upset about his recommendation, but he has a duty to help his patients and Valleyans. We’ll see if Valley moms and their sons take Dr. Gregg’s advice, but I have my doubts.