Archives June 2024

by I. B. Lyon

Tipping has gotten out of control these days. You’re supposed to tip your hair stylist, barista, bartender, hotel valet, Uber driver, Doordash driver, baseball/softball instructor, dog walker, and more. Every restaurant in America now strongly encourages diners to tip. Many restaurants ask for tips before you receive service, and many restaurants that provide little to no service ask for tips as well. It has just gotten to be annoying and a little too much.

The Strong River Bend Police Dept. (SRBPD) has been thinking of ways to bring in additional revenue. The department has struggled for years with limited resources, and they are having issues keeping good officers. Strong River Bend (SRB) councilman, Tip O’Beal, recently suggested the police department should start accepting tips at a town board meeting. O’Beal said, “Just about all restaurants and many other places ask for tips these days, and it’s kind of gotten to be an expected thing you know. Why couldn’t our police officers ask for tips after traffic stops? It could bring in more revenue for the town, and it’ll help us attract more quality officers.”

The board meeting ran longer than normal because the town council members, the mayor, and the town attorney had to work out the details of the tipping program. City attorney, Parry Maison, said, “I have never heard of this before, so I wasn’t sure if it was legal. So, I left the room and did a quick Google search, and I found nothing that prohibited it. I just told the council and mayor to instruct their police officers to not coerce citizens to tip under any circumstances. Also, they should give 3 preset options like 15%, 18%, and 20%, and they’d need to give a custom option in case citizens wanted to tip a different amount or nothing at all. Plus, the amount of the fine or fee would have to be disclosed to the citizens when they are stopped.”

The council voted 5-0 in favor of the town keeping 75% of the tips, and 25% will be given the officer that received the tip. SRB police chief, Barney Kojak, is excited about the tipping program. Kojak said, “I’m pumped about this. This will help us attract new quality officers. It will also help us bring in more revenue to the town. The town will receive 75% of all tips, and our officers will definitely make more traffic stops to increase their likelihood of getting tips. Additionally, it will allow us to collect fines and fees when our officers give the citations. We won’t have to wait weeks to collect fines and fees. People will be able to pay their fines and fees during their traffic stop by check, credit card, Apple Pay, Android Pay, Venmo, CashApp, and Paypal. So, I think this will be a win-win for everyone.”

One important caveat to the tipping program is that a citation has to be given in order to get a tip. So, if a driver receives a warning, the officer can’t receive a tip. This will all be built into the department’s computer software called TipBlue. Also, cash cannot be accepted by officers as tips. SRB and Valley residents are torn about the new tipping program.

One Valley resident said, “Well, I guess I won’t be able to get my tickets fixed anymore. The officers gotta get you on something in order to get a tip, and they ain’t gonna want that tip taken away after the fact. I guess I’ll have to slow down and stop at the stop signs now. And, they’re gonna be pulling people over like crazy to get tips; I may have to avoid SRB now. Plus, we have to tip everybody these days, and now we’re supposed to tip cops? Come on man! I’m not happy with Ole Kojak about this.”

A SRB resident said, “I like this idea. Our officers don’t get paid much, and this will allow them to make more money. They work hard, and I think they should be able to get tips. It’s a good thing.”

This program will begin on Monday. It will interesting to see in the coming months how much revenue this generates for SRB. If the program does well, I expect more towns to follow suit. The SRVO will keep you updated on the tipping program.

by I. B. Lyon

There is a huge push worldwide right now to cut down on carbon emissions. We are all urged to go green to save the planet. There is also a big push for everyone to buy electric vehicles (EVs). Many countries in Europe have banned vehicles with internal combustion engines after specific dates in the future. Also, multiple countries in Europe have established low emission zones where drivers that have gas guzzlers have to pay a fee to enter the zones. Well, that’s not going to happen in The Valley.

The Strong River Valley Transportation Authority (SRVTA) board recently passed a ground breaking rule. The new rule will require EV drivers to pay a $1 fee per day to pass through the SRVTA’s jurisdiction. The new rule is being dubbed the “EV fee.” I spoke with the board’s chairman, Mehate Teslaz, about the new rule. Teslaz said, “The SRVTA tries to be proactive and not reactive, and we try to stay ahead of the curve. As far as I know, this is the first rule of its kind in the world. We’ve seen a large increase of EVs passing through our jurisdiction in the past few years, and the extra weight of these EVs really takes a toll on our roads, highways, and bridges. A year ago, we were seeing 7-8 EVs using our roads and highways each day, but that number has doubled to 15-16 EVs per day. We felt this rule was needed.”

Implementation and enforcement of this new rule is going to be interesting. The SRVTA did not provide any details of how they planned to implement the rule, and no one knows how they will collect the fees. Teslaz said, “The rule will go into effect in 6 months, so that gives us time to implement everything we need. We’ve talked about different ways to implement it, and one that seemed popular and plausible was requiring EV owners to register their vehicles with the SRVTA. We’d gather their personal and vehicle info, and we’d require them to install a RFID device to be scanned any time they entered the SRVTA jurisdiction. That will allow us to know their whereabouts, and we’d require the EV owners to link a payment method (credit card, Apple pay, Venmo, etc.) to pay their fees. We’d like the input of Valleyans, but the board will finalize everything in the coming months.”

This is going to be a polarizing issue. One Tesla owner I talked with was very upset about the new rule. He said, “This new rule is an egregious abuse of power. Teslaz is just trying to help his reelection chances; he’s just playing to his base. There is no need for this. How much revenue is this going to raise each year? $750? I think he’s just trying to get his country club dues paid for. I will be filing a lawsuit against the SRVTA, so I’ll see them in court.”

Another Valleyan I talked with had a different view on the rule. He said, “I like it. The SRVTA plays offense baby. They don’t play defense. We don’t like these liberal latte sipping EV owners, and we’re gonna make them pay. Teslaz for President!”

The SRVO will keep you updated on the EV fee. The coming debates and implementation are sure to provide a lot of fireworks, and we’ll be here to cover it.

by Offe Hisczrocher

You often see videos on social media of different types of animals that are friends or play together. Often, you’ll see dogs and cats that are friends. Occasionally, you’ll see vastly different animals that have a bond like a dog and a squirrel. But, Jackie Hanna has a couple animals at her house whose relationship is hard to believe it until you see it.

Jackie has a gray cat named Smoky that she got around 3 years ago. She was having issues with mice, and she wanted a cat to keep the mice away. An added benefit of Smoky would be that he’d keep snakes away as well. Last spring, Jackie noticed a speckled king snake in her flower bed, and she noticed that Smoky was not aggressive toward the snake. Jackie said, “I could tell Smoky knew the snake was there, but he acted like the snake didn’t bother him at all. I thought that was weird. I saw the snake 4-5 more times last year, and Smoky never attacked or bothered it. It was baffling. I thought cats were supposed to keep snakes away. Smoky wasn’t doing his job.”

A couple weeks ago Jackie figured out why Jackie didn’t bother the snake. Smoky and the snake are buddies. Hanna said, “I was watching Smoky out my kitchen window, and I saw that he had caught a frog. He was walking along the flower bed with it in his mouth, and he walked into the flower bed and dropped it. All of the sudden, the snake stuck his head out of a shrub and gobbled up the frog. I saw Smoky do the same thing again a few days later. I kid you not! I couldn’t believe it.”

The story gets even more crazy. Hanna said, “On Friday of last week, I walked out in the garage and Smoky was sitting by the snake. I just about fell out, but I managed to take a picture. He acted like he didn’t want me to get close to the snake; it was like he was protecting the snake. It gets even better. Smoky caught a small rat snake this Monday on the back porch. The snake was about a foot long. I saw him carry that snake to the king snake in the flower bed. I went outside, and I watched the king snake gobble up that poor rat snake. It was something else. I decided to name the king snake Speck. Ole Speck is going to get fat because of Smoky!”

I talked to herpetologist, Coral Rattler, about the relationship. He said, “I’ve never heard of a relationship like this. I’m really at a loss for words. I want to visit Jackie just to see it in person. It I had to hypothesize, I would say their relationship is the result of climate change.” Of course, just about everything these days is caused by climate change. Some economists are even saying that inflation is caused by climate change.

This is truly a unique relationship between Smoky and Speck. It will be interesting to see if they can stay friends as Speck continues to grow. The SRVO will be sure to do a follow up story next spring to give you an update on this unique relationship.

by Ima Phibber

Kids love summer camps. They love the outdoor activities, the games, and the camaraderie with their friends and fellow campers. There’s nothing like a good experience at a summer camp. Kids will remember things they learned and things that happened at summer camp for the rest of their lives. Camp can be good for mom and dad as well; they look forward to unloading their kids off at camp for much needed breaks.

Retired Army Colonel Dwight Patton is a well known and respected Valley resident. He’s struggled for a couple years to decide on what he was going to do in retirement after his decorated military career, but Patton recently made a decision about his plans in retirement. Col. Patton said, “I own a lot of land, and I wasn’t really putting any of it to use. I attended summer camp growing up, and I loved it. Now, I have a passion for kids and helping kids. I had the thought of starting a summer camp for kids, and the thought of it continued to grow on me. So, I recently decided that I was going to give it a go. I’ve been working on everything for about 9 months now, and it’s great to see it all come to fruition.”

Col. Patton’s camp is going to have the look and feel of a traditional summer camp, but it’s going to be different in some ways. He’s going to have cabins with bunk beds, and he’s going to have a big mess hall. He’s also going to have traditional camp activities like swimming, canoeing, archery, and camp fires. He’s going to have an emphasis on survival skills and living off the land. He’s also going to spend a good bit of time teaching the campers counter bullying techniques and strategies. But, what’s really going to set his camp apart is his old school, no nonsense approach of his and his staff’s treatment of the campers. Patton has named his camp, Camp Ayntnocissy, after a Choctaw word meaning tough guy.

The 3 guiding principles of Camp Ayntnocissy will be Responsibility, Accountability, and Toughness. Col Patton said, “You’ll hear me and my staff say RAT repeatedly. That’s an acronym for our guiding principles. Campers and parents might think we have a rat infestation to begin with, but it won’t take them long to pick up on the RAT mantra.”

Col. Patton said, “I have 3 grandkids, and I love them do pieces. But, they’re as soft as tissue paper, and it really bothers me. Most kids these days are in the same boat, and I blame a lot of it on these millennial helicopter parents. Well, our aim at Camp Ayntnocissy is to make these kids mentally and physically tough. There will be no sissies at Camp Ayntnocissy!”

Col. Patton has assembled a group of retired military members and retired coaches to be his staff and counselors, and they aim to whip these kids into shape. Col. Patton added, “When you drop Little Johnny or Little Jane off for the week, they will be different kids when you pick them up a week later. We promise you that.” Camp Ayntnocissy has a long list of rules that parents and campers have to agree to abide by, and some are listed below. Violation of one or more of these rules by the camper or the parent will result in the child being dismissed, and there will be no refunds.

• No screens- no cell phones, no iPads, no Nintendo Switches, no televisions
• No complaining or whining
• You will not have any contact with your child unless he/she breaks a bone, has a concussion, or obtains a flesh eating bacteria. We will not send you any pictures or videos of your child.
• Other than breaking a bone, getting a concussion, or obtaining a flesh eating bacteria, crying is allowed only one time. A second crying spell will result in dismissal.
• Your child will have to walk around barefooted occasionally.
• Your child will perspire and often perspire profusely.
• Your child will drink water out of a water hose.
• Your child will use sharp objects such as knives and machetes.
• Your child will get his/her hands dirty, and hand sanitizer is not allowed.
• Your child will be responsible for his/her belongings and actions. A counselor or staffer will not keep track of your child’s belongings.
• Your child will be expected to eat the food provided in the mess hall. No special dietary preferences will be taken into account.
• The words “I’m bored” are not allowed to be uttered.

Many parents and grandparents are excited about Col. Patton’s new camp. One Valley grandmother told me, “I really want to send Ethan to the camp. I love my grandson, but he’s a wimp and he stays inside all the time. I hope Col. Patton and his people can toughen him up. But, his mom will probably not want him to go; she’ll be upset that she can’t talk to him and baby him for a whole week.”

It will be interesting to see how Col. Patton’s old school, no nonsense approach works with the kids of the current generation. But, the parents and grandparents of The Valley seem to think this is really needed. Camp Ayntnocissy will welcome it’s first campers on Monday. We’ll see how it turns out.