The SRVO is thrilled to have Heeza de Seaver join our organization. Heeza brings a ton of experience as a reporter, journalist, and writer to The Valley. He’s written for multiple organizations in Europe on various topics. Most recently, he was a war/conflict reporter and writer in the Middle East for a large publication, and he got burned out as you can imagine. Heeza looks forward to the safety and tranquility of The Valley.
Heeza will be writing about the news of The Valley. Additionally, he will occasionally write about gardening. Heeza plans to start a tulip gardening club; you’ll hear about that in the future. Also, he loves to play korfball, which is a popular sport in the Netherlands, and he plans to introduce the sport to The Valley. We all know when Heeza arrives in the office on Fridays, because he wears his traditional Dutch wooden shoes on Fridays.
We think you’ll love Heeza and his writing style and the international perspective that he brings. Please welcome Heeza to The Valley!
January is normally a great month for gyms and fitness centers; people are eager to get started on their New Years resolutions to get fit. Things have gotten off to a super hot start at Strong River Bend Fitness this January. I caught up with the owner, Richard Simmons, this week. Simmons said, “January is always a good month for us, but this January is our best month ever. We have had 30% more new members sign up this January than any previous January in our 15 year history.” Simmons is using some good ole mind games on his members this year, and he is not ashamed of it.
Simmons said, “I was tired of seeing new members sign up each January, and then they’d ditch their memberships by March or April. It happens every year. Our revenue would be great for the first half of the year, and we’d limp to the finish line in December. I decided that I was going to use reverse psychology on my new members this year in hopes that it would help my bottom line, and it’s working big time so far.”
The gym’s new policy mandated that all new members must pay for 6 months dues in advance when they sign up. If new members work out at least 3 times per week on average for the first 6 months of the year, they get half off their membership the final 6 months of the year. That’s 25% off the full year’s membership dues. Simmons thought people would be willing to take the deal to prove a point to themselves and others that they were going to stick to their New Years resolutions and get fit. He even went so far as to post a sign outside the gym about the deal, and at the bottom it read, “Bet you can’t stick with us for 6 months.” Time will tell if Simmons is right on his bet. Simmons said, “You learn human nature in this business, and you know most people aren’t gonna stick with it.”
One new member said, “Richard thinks we’re not gonna stick with it, but we’re gonna show him. My workout partners and I have been in here at 5:30 am sharp every weekday so far. We ain’t going nowhere baby! It’s all about accountability! Can’t wait for that 50% off the second half of the year. We’re gonna show that jerk, and I’m gonna take that stupid sign and shove it where the sun don’t shine!”
Membership has exploded so much that Simmons is having to require members to reserve workout times. Some longtime members were complaining about the gym being crowded, so Simmons started requiring members to reserve a workout time online. Now some longtime members are complaining about the reservation time slots which are a maximum of 1 hour in length. One longtime member said, “I know Richard is trying to get all these new members in and everything, but he doesn’t need to forget about us old loyal members. It’s impossible to get my workout in, flex in the mirror, take Instagram pics, and talk to all my boys in an hour. He needs to increase the time slots.”
Simmons said, “I bet we can stop reserving time slots in April, maybe before. We’ll see.” I told Simmons that we’ll do a follow up story in July or August to see if his big bet worked out, and he agreed to participate. I hope 2024 has started well for you Valleyans! Stick to those resolutions to get fit and prove Simmons wrong!
The growth of craft beers and breweries has exploded over the past 10 years. Craft breweries offer many different types of beer in many different unique flavors, and people have been flocking to the breweries to drink these local craft beers. Also, many of these craft breweries have restaurants as well. There are now about 10,000 breweries in America, and that is expected to grow. The majority of Americans live within 10 miles of an independent craft brewery. The Valley hasn’t had a craft brewery until now.
Porter Ailes has been drinking craft beers for as long as he can remember. He and his friends have always dreamed about starting a brewery, but they never had the funds to get one going. Porter has been a psychology instructor at Valley Tech Community College for 7 years now. Porter recently won around $80K in the MS Lottery, and he decided it was the time to make his dream come true. Ailes and his friends will start construction on the facility in the next month, and it will be on the vacant lot next to the Six Town Hollow town hall building. They have named their company Bluecat Brewing Co.
Bluecat Brewing will have an 8,000 square foot building, and it will house 4 different businesses inside the building. Half the space will be for the brewery and it’s equipment. 2,500 square feet will be for their restaurant, and 1,500 square feet will be evenly split between a tattoo parlor and a men’s beard grooming salon. Additionally, they will have outdoor seating for the restaurant, a playground for kids, and a small dog park.
Ailes said, “We’re so pumped to bring this unique idea to Six Town Hollow and The Valley. There’s nothing like it in the state that I’m aware of. We think it’ll attract a ton of people to Six Town Hollow and The Valley. We have everything you need at Bluecat Brewing. You can enjoy an awesome craft beer while eating a great burger with your dog. Afterwards, you can get your beard trimmed, and then end the day with a new tattoo. After getting your tattoo, you can listen to live music. We’ll have live music on the weekends. We have a playground for the kiddos too. Where else can you do all that?”
Initially Bluecat Brewing plans to have 3 beers, but they plan to expand their offerings in the future. The three beers are Bluecat Original IPA, King Kottonmouth (pale ale), and The Mighty Strong (pilsner named after the Strong River). Ailes said, “Our original 3 beers are strong, but we’ll expand our lineup in the future. We’ll also offer seasonal beers. Our food is going to be good too. We’ll have great burgers, wraps, pizza, catfish, and more.”
The young Valleyans that I talked with were very excited about Bluecat Brewing Co. One young male said, “This is awesome. My hipster friends and I don’t really have a place to hangout in The Valley, but we will now. I’ve been waiting to get my forearm sleeve tattoo finished, and it’ll be so cool to sip on a Bluecat beer with my dog by my side while getting that ink. I can’t grow a beard, but some of my buds are pumped about the beard grooming salon.”
Six Town Hollow Mayor Don Berry Henry said, “We don’t get a lot of outside visitors here, but I hope Bluecat Brewing will change that. We hope to get a ton of out-of-town visitors that travel along Hwy. 49. We’re very excited about the project.”
Construction on the facility will start in the next few weeks, and this will be a huge draw for the young people of The Valley and the surrounding areas in the future.
Happy New Year Valleyans! We hope you had a great 2023, and we hope 2024 is even better for you. The Editorial Staff here at the SRVO has decided to have a little fun to start off the year. We asked all of our writers to give us at least one New Years resolution. Enjoy!
B. S. Ryter– Greetings Valleyans! My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my dog walking business. According to recent studies, 37% of dogs aren’t getting enough exercise, and it’s leading to increased health issues for our pups. I want to change that, and I want to improve the health of The Valley’s dogs and pad my pockets while I’m at it.
Ben BeEssen– Hey people of The Valley! My #1 focus in 2024 is to refocus on my writing. My priorities in 2023 were on growing my beard grooming business, and my writing suffered. I heard from you Valleyans, and I’ve listened. You’ll see an improvement in my writing this year; I promise you that. But, you can still buy my beard grooming supplies online.
Carl “Bull” Crapper– Howdy Valleyans! I hope all y’all have a great 2024. My #1 resolution for 2024 is not to have a kid this year. I have 2 jobs now to be able to feed all my kids, and I really don’t want to have to get a 3rd job.
Demar “Stretch” DeTrooth– What’s up Valleyans? I hope all of you had a great 2023. My #1 resolution for the new year is to expand my writing horizons. I’m looked at as the “sports guy” here at the SRVO, and that’s ok. But, I want to expand my horizons and write about more than sports. Maybe, I can be like Michael Strahan one day. He was known as a sports guy, and look at him now. He does it all. So, follow me this year as I begin to write about news, human interest stories and more.
Emma Embellischer– Hey Valleyans! I hope you all had a good 2023, and I hope 2024 is starting well for you. As you know, I had an ugly, brief marriage to Bubba, and it left a bad taste in my mouth about the men of The Valley. But, I just want the men of The Valley to know that I’ve decided to let my preconceived notions about the men of The Valley go, and I am on the market. However, if your name is Bubba, don’t even bother. Also, no dipping, chewing, or vaping, and you can’t drink Bud Light. Also, you have to be able to live with cats, and you can’t be married. DM me guys!
I. B. Lyon– What’s happening Valley peeps? My primary New Years resolution is to stop my hatred for Coach Prime. He left my Jackson State Tigers high and dry; he dropped us like a bad habit. If he would’ve had a winning record at Colorado this past year, it might be impossible for me to stop hating him. But, they had a tough season, plus his recruiting was horrible and recruits are now dropping him like a bad habit. Y’all, pray for me that my hatred for Prime will continue to abate, and pray that Colorado has another losing season in 2024.
Ima Phibber– Hey everyone! The SRVO had a great inaugural year in 2023. We appreciate all of our readers. My #1 goal in 2024 is to continue to grow the profile and notoriety of the SRVO. I want the SRVO to be a household name for news not only in The Valley but across the state. I’m gonna carry this organization and its band of rag tag writers to the Promised Land!
Offe Hisczrocher– Hallo friends! My only resolution for the new year is to develop a taste for the food of The Valley. It’s much different than the food in Switzerland, but I’m determined to take a liking to it. I’m going to start with the catfish (grilled); maybe I can come around to fried catfish. I can’t wait to try some crayfish. I hear they’re great, but we’ll see in 2024.
Pullyn Mylegg– Hey y’all! I have a few resolutions for 2024, but my #1 resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. I’m 26 now, and it’s time. I can tell Mom is tired of doing my laundry and cooking my frozen pizzas. A close #2 is to cut my daily gaming time in half. It’s going to be tough, but I can do it.
