Archives August 2023

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

The Valley is very dry right now. Many older Valleyans have said this is the driest The Valley has ever been. Valley farmers are hurting and it looks like there is no relief in sight. The Valley Farmer Consortium (VFC) recently met to discuss the situation. Out of desperation, the VFC decided to send a team to visit the Navajo nation to learn their rain dance.

The Navajo have lived in the American Southwest for hundreds of years, and drought is the norm in that area of the country. So, they have done rain dances for generations to win favor of the gods and to bring rain for their crops. The Navajo rain dance team was very happy to host the VFC representatives for a couple days.

The Navajo dance team gave a two day in depth course on their rain dance. It had powerpoint presentations and actual dance demonstrations, and the VFC reps were encouraged to participate in the dances. One VFC farmer in attendance told me, “Learning the rain dance was pretty interesting. I knew I was out of shape, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. I thought I was going to die, and I pulled a muscle in my calf.”

Another VFC farmer I spoke with shared the same sentiments. He said, “This rain dance ain’t no joke. It’s a lot different than line dancing or square dancing. I had to take a lot of breaks, and that didn’t make Chief Pouring Rain very happy. I also turned my ankle on one of the jumps. I was tired, and I probably should’ve been sitting out. Luckily, it’s just a minor sprain.”

Chief Pouring Rain said, “The VFC farmers were great to work with, and they were receptive to our ideas and customs. The actual dancing was difficult to watch, and they really struggled. So, I offered to come to The Valley to lead a rain dance, and they gladly took me up on the offer.”

The VFC will host Chief Pouring Rain on Saturday, September 2nd at 6:00 pm for a rain dance ceremony. The VFC dancing farmers will be decked out in Navajo rain dance garb, and they are excited about the dance. Unfortunately, it will not be open to the public, and media will not be allowed. We submitted a media request to attend, but we were denied.

Hopefully, the VFC rain dance will work. However, I think prayer to the Almighty God is a much better option, so I encourage all of you to PRAY FOR RAIN!

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

The U.S. Supreme Court reached a landmark 9-0 decision in 2021 that changed the college sports landscape forever. Their decision allowed college athletes to get paid for their name, image, and likeness (NIL). It’s a very controversial issue among college sports fans. Some high profile athletes have gotten 7 figure deals, and many people equate the current NIL environment to the Wild Wild West.

NIL has been limited to college athletes, but a local select baseball coach is changing the game. Coach Rich Diamond has formed The Diamond Collective which will cater to Valley baseball and softball players between the ages of 10-18. Diamond said, “I’ve always been aggressive and progressive, and I’ve thought about this for a while. Now, was the time to make it happen. There’s nothing like this in MS and the entire country that I’m aware of.”

Coach Diamond has been in talks with many Valley businesses to contribute to the collective, and many have agreed to participate. Diamond also plans to contribute his own money to the collective to get it up and running. Diamond created a software portal that allows athletes’ parents to create a profile and upload their child’s videos and stats. Business owners can choose which athletes to do deals with using the portal. Diamond doesn’t plan to put a cap on the deals, and he wants the market to work itself out. Diamond said, “This is new, and I expect businesses to be cautious initially. These are kids after all. But, putting a cap on earnings is just anti-capitalism, and we’ll never do that.”

Also, Diamond is guaranteeing any athlete in The Diamond Collective a minimum of $100 per month of payments. Diamond will have the say so on which athletes are allowed into the collective. Diamond said, “We want only the top level baseball and softball players in our collective, so there will be a stringent vetting process for athletes that apply.”

One local participating business owner said, “I’m so excited about this, and I just think it’s a smarter way for us to spend our advertising dollars.” Some parents are excited about the collective too. One parent told me, “This could help us out a lot. This travel ball is expensive, and it’ll be nice if we can get a $200- $300 per month to help out with expenses.”

Everyone is not happy about The Diamond Collective though. A local high school baseball coach told me, “This is insane. These kids are already entitled, and this is going to make it even worse. Coach Diamond has always been over the top, and this is just crazy.” I spoke to a couple parents about the idea, and they weren’t thrilled. One said, “What if my son isn’t good enough to get a deal, and a couple of his friends get deals? It’s going to be those that get deals vs. those that don’t get deals. It’s going to be unhealthy.”

In addition to The Diamond Collective, Diamond plans to create a transfer portal similar to the current NCAA transfer portal. It will allow parents that are unhappy with their current select baseball or softball team or coach to look for other teams. He also hopes the collective will attract larger businesses outside of The Valley to spend their advertising dollars on his athletes. This is going to be very interesting, and Valleyans are eager to see how it plays out.

by Offe Hisczrocher

The Valley City Police Department (VCPD) has been considering adding a mounted patrol unit for a while because of the increase in visitors to the downtown area. Mounted patrol units are good tools for crowd control, and they help deter crime. When you think of mounted patrol units, you think of a police officer on a horse. That’s what VCPD had in mind initially, but their plans changed. Since The Valley has basically become a desert recently, VCPD felt a camel would be a better option.

VCPD found Nadia online from a camel farm in Saudi Arabia. She has actually served as a mounted patrol unit in Saudi Arabia, and that was a big plus for the VCPD. They made arrangements to get her to Valley City, and she arrived a couple days ago. VCPD chief Joe Turban said, “We’re so excited about Nadia and what she’s going to add to our department. She has a great temperament, and everyone already loves her. The kids are really going to love her. We have some challenges we have to work through with her, but she’s going to be a big asset for us.”

The main challenge Chief Turban is referring to is the language barrier; all of Nadia’s owners and handlers have spoken Arabic. So, the mounted officers are going to have to learn some Arabic in order to work with her. A couple officers have already started the process of learning basic commands for her. I spoke with Barney Griffith who will be one of the mounted officers. Griffith said, “I never thought I’d be learning Arabic. It’s a lot different than English, that’s for sure. I really like Nadia, and I think we’re gonna have a good working relationship. Hopefully, she’ll be patient with me while I learn some Arabic.”

Beautiful Nadia

Chief Turban said Nadia will hopefully start patrolling in a month or so, but it depends on how quickly his mounted officers can overcome the language barrier. Valleyans are excited about Nadia. One downtown business owner I spoke with said, “This is very unique for The Valley and America; you don’t see camels with mounted patrol units. I think people from all around are going to come see Nadia, so I think it will help me and other downtown businesses. Plus, you know kids are going to love interacting with her. It’s going to be a good thing for Valley City and The Valley.”

Get ready Valleyans! You’re going to see Nadia overload on the socials soon. Nadia loves people and she is friendly, but keep in mind that camels do spit when they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Chief Turban said, “Valleyans, give her some space and be respectful. You don’t want her to spit on you; it’s not pleasant.”

by Tre McGyver

It looks like I might’ve bitten off more than I can chew. The former HOA president, Billy Buffmeister, wasn’t doing jack squat to enforce the HOA rules. I’m thinking this just might be Mission Impossible. In the past, I got along with everyone in Valley Meadows except my next door neighbors, the Jones (I’ll have to write another story to explain that mess). Things aren’t quite the same now that I’m starting to enforce the HOA rules, but I have to do my job.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So, I started with all the residents that needed to cut their grass. I sent letters to four residents that needed to cut their grass. Johnny Bieber was the worst offender. Johnny and his baby momma haven’t cut their grass all summer. It was literally chest high. They lost a kid a couple weeks ago for about 30 minutes; they had half the neighborhood looking for him. Well, he was just quietly playing with a truck by their mobile home, but you couldn’t see him because of the tall grass. I thought I would have to fine Johnny to get him to cut it, but he surprised me and finally cut it. He almost finished, but his mower’s motor burned up before he finished. I did a good deed, and I finished it for him.

As you know, we have a burn ban in The Valley. It’s super dry right now. Plus, it’s against the HOA rules to burn your trash. Smokey Magee thinks that doesn’t apply to him. He burns his trash 2-3 times per week. I recently approached him and told him he needs to stop burning his trash. Smokey told me to jump in a lake, and he flipped me the bird. He’ll be receiving a cease and desist letter soon.

Valley Meadows has a really nice above ground pool with a patio and gazebo. The Lewis family and their friends basically take the place over. They hog the pool, and other residents don’t get to swim. Plus, they play loud music and get rowdy. The pool is supposed to close at 9:00 pm on weekdays and 10:00 pm on Friday and Saturday. I approached Karen Lewis about them staying out there too late. It didn’t go too well. She said, “Who do you think you are? You become HOA president and you think you can tell everyone what to do. Not gonna happen.” She’ll be receiving a letter soon. The name Karen fits her well.

Folks, that’s the issues I tried to tackle this past week. It’s only going to get harder from here, but I’ll take it one issue at a time. Stay tuned to see what’s happening in Valley Meadows. It’s gonna be fun!

by Ima Phibber

Most Valleyans don’t believe in man-made climate change, and they think of climate change activists as left-wing wackos. However, 4 brave souls dared to protest against man-made climate change at the Strong River Bend (SRB) 4-way stop yesterday, and their protest didn’t go over too well. The 4 protesters are members of the South Central MS Green Alliance.

The protesters started protesting during rush hour around 7:00 am yesterday morning at the 4-way stop. They held up signs about the evils of fossil fuels and the horrors of gas stoves. The protesters picketed until around 8:30, and they felt drivers didn’t pay attention to them. They got a few honks, and a few motorists flipped them the bird. One protester said, “We didn’t feel like we accomplished much during the morning, so we decided to up the ante during the afternoon rush hour. We decided to lay down in the highway to raise awareness. We knew that was risky, but it had to be done.”

Most drivers just drove around the protesters while they laid at the intersection, and many motorists honked and yelled obscenities at the protesters. However, multiple people exited their vehicles and forcibly removed the protesters. One protester told me, “This guy grabbed me by shirt and drug me to the side of the highway, and my shirt tore. These people in The Valley are savages!” One motorist said, “These idiots gotta realize this ain’t San Francisco. I’m not gonna let these idiots hold me up from getting home. I nicely asked him to get up and move out of the way, but he refused. So, I grabbed him by his shirt and drug him out of the highway.”

Farmer “Mean” Joe Green roughed up one of the male protesters. Green was in his tractor, and he stopped in front of the protester and honked the horn. The protester refused to move, so Green got out and kicked the protester multiple times. The protester got up and called him a derogatory term, and Green punched the protester in the face. Green said, “That moron better be glad I was in a good mood today. If I would’ve been in a bad mood, I probably would’ve ran over him. I bet these morons don’t come back to SRB. I did a favor for Valleyans.” Green was charged with assault and battery, but the charges were dropped.

One protester said, “We probably won’t come back to The Valley. We felt our lives were in danger. It’s just so sad. These people just don’t care that they’re destroying the planet.”

by Ben BeEssen

Rankin County is on a heater right now. The county is growing like kudzu, and the City of Brandon is a huge part of the growth. Things are a abuzz in Brandon: new restaurants, new businesses, new neighborhoods, and more. The only negative thing about the growth and progress in downtown Brandon is the traffic. It can be a nightmare during rush hour, but that is going to change in the future.

The Central MS Transit Authority (CMTA) just announced that they will be overseeing the construction of a tunnel that will hopefully alleviate the downtown traffic issue. The tunnel will extend from Hwy. 80/Government St. (just off exit 56 on I-20) to the intersection of College St. and Hwy. 18. The tunnel will essentially bypass downtown Brandon, and hopefully alleviate the downtown traffic problem.

A CMTA spokersperson said, “We’re excited to bring this to the residents of Rankin County and Brandon. The traffic issue in downtown is only going to get worse as time goes on, so this tunnel is a good solution to solve the traffic problem. We plan to start the surveying and pre-construction work in the next month or so. The project is estimated to take around 2.5 years to complete, so this isn’t an immediate fix.”

The tunnel is estimated to cost around $750 million. So, how is the tunnel going to be paid for you might ask? A federal grant is going to cover $600 million, and the state has allocated $125 million for the project. The remaining $25 million will come from revenue bonds issued by the CMTA. Drivers will have to pay a $1 toll to enter the tunnel from both ends. CMTA will offer a “tunnel pass” for $35/month for people that use the tunnel frequently. That revenue will be used to maintain the tunnel. Any excess revenue that isn’t used for the maintenance will go to pay down the $25 million of CMTA bonds. So, the tunnel will not cost anything to the City of Brandon or Rankin County.

Brandon Mayor, Dutch Gee, is excited about the tunnel. He said, “Everyone is excited about the things going on in downtown Brandon, but traffic is a big issue. I think this tunnel will help things a great deal. Many are worried about it bypassing downtown, but I really don’t think it will hurt our downtown businesses and restaurants. I think it will actually help them, because the traffic and parking issues should be better.”

Not everyone is happy about the tunnel though. One resident said, “I have to pay a dollar every time I go through the tunnel. Are you kidding me? That is ridiculous! I’m going to avoid it based on that principal alone.”

Another resident I spoke with said, “That tunnel is going to be pretty long. How are people going to hold their breath that long? They need to think about the potential health and safety risks associated with this thing.”

Construction will begin soon, and the SRVO will keep you updated on the progress.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

The sports scene in The Valley has been exciting this summer, and the fall may be even more exciting. The Strong River Valley Mower Racing League is going to have its inaugural race the first Saturday in September. The league will hold races the first and third Saturdays of each month during the racing season.

The league is the brainchild of Mack Speed, and the track will be on his rural property in The Valley. The track will be named The Valley Motor Speedway. Speed is somewhat of a local celebrity in The Valley. He’s been racing since he can remember; he’s raced everything from go-karts to stock cars. Many Valleyans thought Speed would be a NASCAR driver one day, but an unfortunate hog hunting accident cost him a chance at NASCAR.

Recently, Speed was watching some racing blooper videos on Youtube, and he came across some mower racing bloopers. Speed said, “That mower racing has always looked awesome to me. I had an epiphany that I needed to build a mower racetrack on my property. If you build it, they will come right?” Mack got on his tractor and started building the track that same day. It’s an 800 ft. circular dirt track. He hopes to join the U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association and adopt their rules. There will be no grandstand or bleachers. Speed envisions everyone bringing their lawn chairs to the races.

Speed said, “I envision this being a family friendly event that people look forward to every first and third Saturday. It will hopefully be something that Valleyans can get behind and get excited about, and I hope it will draw racers and spectators from outside The Valley too. I don’t know of anything like it in our region. Who knows? I might try to make a little money too.”

Also, the SRVO will have commentary given by Speed the Monday after the races. The twice monthly commentary from Speed will be called “Mack at the Track.” Speed said, “I ain’t much of a writer, but I’ll do the best I can. Hopefully, y’all can get “Stretch”, “Bull”, or Ima to proofread my commentary.”

The league is looking for marketing partners, so call 1-800-5SR-VMRL if interested.

by I. B. Lyon

Nowadays, there are more Generale Dollars in The South and The Valley than you can shake a stick at. It seems like a new one springs up every month in and around The Valley. The company builds them in strategic rural locations, and they do a ton of business. Valleyans love them for their convenience, and many of them now even sell food and produce. Some have gotten high tech and have self-checkouts now.

Karen Cardashyan goes to the Generale Dollar fairly often, and the workers know her by name. However, Cardashyan’s visit to Generale Dollar this week was one to forget. She brought her daughter with her this visit. Karen’s daughter said, “Before Mom passed out, she couldn’t believe how clean the store was. She said there was nothing in the aisles, and the floors were even clean. She also said they even have 3 people working in the store today. The next thing I know she hit the floor.”

Cardashyan said, “I don’t remember anything about the episode. I just remember coming to with my daughter kneeling by my side talking to me. God was watching out for me, because I didn’t hit my head or hurt myself.” The ambulance was called for precautionary reasons, and the paramedics checked her out and found nothing out of the ordinary.

Cardashyan said, “I love my Generale Dollar and the employees are great, and it’s so darn convenient. But, it’s not the cleanest and most organized store in the world. I guess I was so shocked that the aisles were clear and that there were 3 employees working at the time that I blacked out. The workers got a kick out of it when I told them why I blacked out.”

Cardashyan asked me to not to disclose which Generale Dollar location she routinely visits, and we honored her wish. I love to shop at the Generale Dollar myself, and Cardashyan and I don’t want to disparage the venerable company and their employees.

by SRVO Editorial Staff

We are one week out from the primary elections here in The Valley and around the state. It’s been one heck of a political season, and it’s not over yet. As a new, burgeoning news organization we should probably stay out of politics. But, this is the most important primary election of our lives (because it’s the next election). Senate District 36 was recently moved to The Valley, and it’s going to be one of the most hotly contested primary races in The Valley and around the state.

Since this is such an important race, we felt we needed to get involved and endorse a candidate. After much debate between our editorial staff, the SRVO has decided to endorse Morrison Rhodes. We’re endorsing him because of his qualities below:

• great work ethic

• young and energetic

• political experience and connections

• agricultural background

• business owner

• conservative family ideals

• Christian values

Vote MORRISON RHODES on August 8th!